Niagara Numbskull–The Backstory: Ahhh, life in America. Notoriety equals fame…Fame equals money…Well, turns out that was the equation in Niagara jumper Kirk Jones’ mind. As he basked in the embracing warmth of journalistic attention he claimed that his jump was impulsive and that on the way down he “touched the hand of God.” Those who know him well, however, tell a more plausible, familiar story.

Family and friends said Jones had been considering the stunt for years — but more so in recent weeks. One friend said Jones hoped to make a lot of money from the notoriety…..Surviving a leap from Niagara Falls had intrigued Jones for years, said his mother, who had spoken to him only briefly since the jump. “He said he always thought there was a spot you could jump and survive,” Doris Jones, 77, told The Associated Press from her sister’s home in Keizer, Ore. “We never agreed to it. We thought it was risky.”

Well, yeah. Is that all? Perhaps there was a reason his OWN MOTHER didn’t seem particularly freaked about the idea. And the Canadians apparently feel the same way. A judge has ordered Jones to stay the hell out of Canada…except for any ensuing court appearances. Jones has been making the rounds of morning television. If I hear there is a television movie deal in the works (“Miracle in the Falls: The Kirk Jones Story”) I may have to go jump over Niagara myself……

Jumper Jones: “Here I go, Mom”….”That’s nice, dear.”