Annals of Misdaventure–Polar Farce: Sure, it’s harder and harder to do anything new or first in the world of adventure. But that doesn’t mean we have to put up with or applaud every ridiculous “expedition” that hungers for sponsorship and publicity. Today’s case in point: an expedition called “Polar First,” in which two helicopter pilots–Jennifer Murray and Colin Bodill–are en route to trying to become the first to fly a helicopter around the world….via the North and South pole. Ohhhhhh. Ahhhhh. I’d be impressed if they were doing it non-stop and refueling in mid-air or carrying the world’s largest wing tanks. I’d be impressed if they were turning the rotors with bicycle pedals installed in the cockpit. But they aren’t. They are short-hopping their way from New York to DC to Charleston to…..etc., etc (with “media opportunities” lined up for every stop). Yes, they will have to fly across the Drake Passage (see below, for the gutsy way to go). And yes they will have to land on the ice to refuel. But as far as I can tell the most difficult aspect of this entire venture will be avoiding saddle sores from sitting in their cockpit seats for so many hours. I do have to hand it to Murray and Bodill on one level: they have sponsorship out the wazoo. Bell Helicopters ponied up the aircraft and somehow the World Wildlife Fund has decided that scaring the penguins and polar bears with a clattering, fossil-fuel consuming contraption is a project they want in on. They even got Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, to see them off (has Weight Watchers donated some chocolate shakes?). What can I say? I hate everything about this stupid PR grab, I mean expedition (here’s a diary entry from Jennifer Murray, and, as Dave Barry would say, I Swear I Am Not Making This Up: “made it without further problems to Charleston–weather still good and getting warmer–and to another sponsored night at one of the luxurious Eastern Oriental Hotels. Collapsed early into bed…475 miles closer to the South Pole.” What? No plug for the 800 thread-count Martha Stewart sheets?) Next up: Joe Millionaire will drive a bulldozer to the South Pole, surviving exclusively on fast food (with sponsorship from Caterpillar and McDonalds).

Murray, Bodill and Fergie: “What the f**k am I doing here, dressed like a penguin? Note to self: Fire agent…..”

(Photo: Polar First)