Wetass Sport #363–Cluster Ballooning: Remember the moron in LA, who in 1982 thought he would go for a little ride above his neighborhood by attaching some helium balloons to a lawn chair? He ended up at 16,000 feet, in the flight path to LAX. Somehow, he survived to keep the gene pool just a notch dumber than it otherwise would be. Well, naturally this little stunt has been turned into a full-fledged sport, and the numero uno cluster(f*ck) balloon pilot in North America (actually the only cluster balloon pilot in North America) is a guy named John Ninomiya. He’s made 23 cluster balloon flights, which he claims to be the most by any “pilot” anywhere (Ninomiya says there are about a half dozen others around the world with a similar big balloon fetish). The idea is simple: attach a bunch of big-ass helium balloons to a harness, release ballast when you want to go up, and pop the balloons (no, not all of them!) when you want to come down. Ninomiya can get a little scary on the subject (“There’s a sense of anticipation as the balloons are attached to you, and you grow lighter and lighter. The balloons are so big, it’s like being a child again”) but I guess it’s better that he’s into balloons than, err, other things. So check out his extensive website, and read about his lifelong obsession with big, shiny, colorful balloons (triggered by watching the movie “The Red Balloon”), the history of cluster ballooning (first flight: 1937. Really.), the relative merits of latex versus mylar (sounds like a condom ad), and a whole bunch of other crap you probably don’t need to know…



“Yup, I’m really up there. Just me and my balloons. Flying. I can’t believe my Mom thinks I still need to grow up…”