Annals Of Adventure–Beach Cat Transatlantic: It takes a special sort of sailor to look at a little beach cat–the kind you bash around on at Club Med–and think: “Hmm. I bet I could sail one of those across the Atlantic.” But of course there are plenty of crazy, I mean special, sailors out there, and Brit Greg Homann is one of them. On November 18, Homann will set sail from the Canaries in a slightly modified F18 beach cat, and head for Guadalupe. Only one other solo sailor, an Italian named Alessandro di Benedetto, has made the crossing successfully on a small cat, and he did it in a time of 28 days 11 hours and 36 minutes on a 20-footer. Homann is aiming to break that record with a time of about 20 days, and also claim the record for making the crossing in the smallest cat. To help survive the brutal passage, Homann has put a small enclosed pod on his cat. He’s got a portable watermaker and self-heating freeze-dried food, and will sail at roughly the same time as the Atlantic Rally For Cruisers, which means that roughly 150 yachts will be following the same track and able to come to his rescue if necessary. In case you think crossing the Atlantic on a beach cat is no big deal, check out these two accounts of previous attempts by double-handed teams. TWC will stay with this one if Homann does decent updates to his website. If he succeeds, he wants to organize a race over the same route. Excellent idea….
“Holy Sh*t! If I can keep flying like this, I’ll be there in two weeks…”
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Annals Of Invention–Jaws Joybuzzer: If all the stories of shark attacks, lost limbs, and blood in the water have kept you from becoming a surfer, you no longer have an excuse. An Australian company has invented a surfboard that emits an electric field that causes muscle spasms in sharks if they come too close. According to the company, Seachange Technology, the board causes the sharks “discomfort.” Hmmm. I guess that might make a shark look elsewhere for a snack. On the other hand, it could piss it off, and if you’ve ever seen a pissed-off Great White…
“I don’t know if it really scares sharks off or not. But it sure makes my feet tingle…”
Wetass Video Of The Week…: Check out this real-life Spiderman. All he needs is a web-shooter, or does he…?
“Forget that guy in the video. I’ve got the costume…”
(Thanks to Trey for the tip)
Department Of Transportation–America At 10 MPH: Thanks to a tip from the folks over at Expedition News, meet a couple of guys who quit their corporate jobs and set out to cross America…on Segways…at a really, really slow speed. They started in Seattle, they’re headed for Boston, and they’ve been at it for 87 days and 3555 miles. They’re blogging, taking pictures, and making a documentary. All in all, a very cool expedition…
Slow-wheeling: “Dude, tell me again why we didn’t pick motorcycles…”
Wetass Sport #432–Punkin’ Chunkin’: If you happen to be traveling in Sussex County, Delaware from November 5-7 you might want to wear a hard hat. Because it’s going to be raining pumpkins, thanks to the 2004 Punkin Chunkin World Championships. What the hell is Punkin’ Chunkin’? Good question. PC consists of would-be engineers, various hell-raisers, and out-and-out oddballs, who build all manner of Rube Goldberg-type contraptions whose sole purpose is to fire a pumpkin that weighs between 8 and 10 pounds as far as possible. Here’s a brief history of the sport:
“It began in 1986 as a group of men sat in a local blacksmith shop arguing over who could throw an anvil farthest. Someone heard some local college students were throwing pumpkins by hand to raise funds for their school. The group embellished that event. Anvils turned to pumpkins and Punkin’ Chunkin’ was born.
In November of that year, Bill Thompson, Trey Melson, John Ellsworth and the Burton brothers, Chuck & Darryl, met on Thompson’s farm, outside Milton, Delaware, with their inventions. Ellsworth’s chunker was a combination of ropes, tubes and pulleys, while Melson and Thompson’s chunker was various garage doors springs connected to a car frame. The Burtons machine was a wooden pole mounted on a trailer, powered by auto springs. One of the spectators, Larry McLaughlin, maintenance supervisor in a local town, was seen hanging from one of the poles that day and local punkin chunkin rumors were that he was caught up in the action and was attempting to throw a pumpkin by hand. He tossed it 50 feet. By the end of the day, Thompson and Melson were the victors with a throw of 128’ 2”.
Three teams competed that first year, where only a handful of onlookers watched. But since then, the event evolved from human chunkin’ into oversized slingshots, venerated catapults and air cannons with names such as Bad to the Bone, The Terminator, Mellow Yellow, Poor & Hungry and The Aludium Q36 Pumpkin Modulator (named after a weapon used by Marvin the Martian, the pint-sized, high-strung alien from the Warner Brothers cartoon).”
Today, there are thousands of teams who devote themselves to the fine art of chunkin’ punkins’. And get this. Last year the winning device–named “Second Amendment”–heaved a pumpkin an astounding 4,434 feet. Next think you know they’ll be launching pumpkins into space…
Punkin’ Chunkers: “Goddamn, boys! We should send some of these suckers over to EyeRaq…”
Department of Potential Disasters…: Forget Osama Bin Laden for a moment. According to research conducted by a group of European scientists, a collapsing volcano in the Canary Islands could dump half a trillion tons of rock into the Atlantic Ocean, unleashing a massive tidal wave that would swamp the east coast of the United States. The side of the Cumbre Vieja volcano is already in the process of slowly slipping into the sea. And computer simulations suggest that if the volcano erupts and dumps all the rock at once the result would be a wave 650 meters (2,130 feet) high that would travel westward across the Atlantic at 450 miles per hour. Within three hours the wave would swamp the east coast of Africa, within five hours it would reach southern England. And within twelve hours it would be crashing ashore in Miami and New York. By the time it got to the United States it would have moderated somewhat, dropping in height to a mere 130-160 feet high. Phew. That’s a relief. Oh, wait. That’s still a massive wall of water and the experts say it could sweep up to 12 miles inland. Some marine geologists are calling the threat overstated–a worst case scenario–and say that Cumbre Vieja is more likely to fall into the sea piece by piece. But Bill McGuire, director of the Benfield Hazard Research Center at University College London, says that previous eruptions in the Canaries have pushed up tsunamis that have tossed boulders more than 70 feet above sea level in the Bahamas. In any case, McGuire argues: “If you’re planning for any future disaster you’re not going to consider the least disastrous scenario, you’re going to consider the most.” McGuire and others are calling for an array of seismographic equipment at Cumbre Vieja, so the volcano can be closely monitored. That way, coastal residents around the Atlantic basin would have advance warning of a catastrophic eruption. And all the surfers looking for the 100-foot wave would have plenty of time to grab their boards and get into the water…
“Cowabunga, dude! Oh sh*t! I better line up to cruise cross town on 33rd street or I’m building splat…”
Annals Of Astonishment…: Ever wanted to know the world record is for the fastest 100 meters on a unicycle (12.11 seconds), for the highest BASE jump (19,300 feet), or for the longest distance achieved by a human cannonball (185 feet 10 inches)? Then here’s a website for you: Guinness World Records “Amazing Feats.” Here, you will also learn that a maniac named Stig Gunther holds the record for the highest dive onto an airbag. Guess what height he jumped from? 150 feet? Nope. 250 feet? Nope. How about 343 feet? Holy sh*t. There’s all kinds of other crazy records here, like “Most bees in the mouth,” “Most worms eaten (in 30 seconds),” “Farthest Ear Slingshot,” and “Farthest nasal ejection” (using spaghetti, watch the video here). What can I say? The list goes on and on, and is an astounding testament to human creativity in the pursuit of pain, humiliation, and a brief, brief mention in the world’s greatest record book…
Kissing Cobras: “That’s one. Just eleven more and I’ll have the world record…if I live.”
Sailboats Aren’t Surfboards…: For proof, click here. An amazing–and agonizing–sequence…
“This sucks. But, hey, at least this isn’t a big cruising boat…”
Department Of Dumbassery–Thank God We’ve Got Video: There’s no end to the idiotic ideas people get. But unfortunately very few of them are recorded for the rest of the world to, err, enjoy. Here are two clips I recently came across, of stunts gone oh so wrong…
What happens when you tow a boat with a helicopter?
Why car jumping isn’t always a good idea (hit “Play” in the “Cunning Stunt” box)…
Helicopter Hijinks: “Hey, Bob. This tow isn’t going much better than the last one…”
Annals Of (Failed) Achievement–Not Even Close: I’m not sure what it is that lures people to try and break the record for remaining underwater in scuba gear. Perhaps it’s a desire to escape. Or to get back to the womb. Or…okay, I’ll shut up because some things you just can’t analyze too closely. Anyhow, they try. And more often than not they fail. The latest Aquaman wannabe is Brit Mark Webber. Webber just embarked on an attempt to spend 15 days in a massive tank, located at an industrial park (it’s a glamorous sport, no?). But his catheter came unattached. And despite taking off his wet suit while underwater in an attempt to reattach it, it remained unattached. So Webber was removed from the tank after 4 days and 14 hours. What’s the catheter for, and why would it force him to end his dive? Well, the catheter is what is used to, ummm, prevent the water in the tank from becoming very, very yellow (and worse). Let’s just say that his health was at risk. Grave risk…
“On the plus side, it’s staying really, really warm inside my wet suit…”
The Earthist Chronicles 