SpaceShipOne Videos–Go Along For The Ride: Save yourself the $200,000 Richard Branson wants to charge to take you up in a commercialized SpaceShipOne, and just watch the videos instead. Click here to watch the first one. You’ve got the drop, the rocket ignition, the climb, pilot Brian Binnie fooling around weightless in the cockpit (he does a good job of making the whole thing look like a walk in the park), the view from above, and the return to earth. And you don’t even have to hurl. I haven’t watched all the vids, but go for it and you might actually waste a decent chunk of the work day…
SpaceShipOne In Orbit: “I can’t believe how much R&D money we saved by simply copying the design of the Enterprise…”
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Annals Of Invention–Jet-Man: I can’t believe I almost missed this guy. But thanks to the vigilant Aussies at Gizmo.com, TWC can tell the world (okay, a very, very small segment of the world) that there is a Swiss daredevil named Yves Rossy who likes to jump out of airplanes with carbon-fiber wings strapped to his back. In fact, Rossy caused a bit of a stir last year when he managed to glide 12 kilometers after jumping from an altitude of just 3,000 meters. Okay, that’s not too extraordinary, even if he did go a long way. Lots of people strap sh*t to their backs and jump out of airplanes, or glide hither and yon. Well Rossy this year went a step–a big step–further. Not content with lameass gliding he, umm, attached two kerosene fueled jets to his wings. Then he went up in a plane last June, and jumped out at 4,000 meters. He glided into a stable–which is to say he was pointed in the right direction–horizontal position. And at 2500 meters he lit the candle(s), as they like to say in test pilot-speak. Yes, he torched off two powerful engines strapped to his back. Like Buzz Lightyear. Or George Jetson. And, believe it or not, it worked. Rossy rocketed along at 100 knots for four minutes. He only stopped when he ran into turbulence and decided he’d rather land in the Guinness Book Of World Records than in a casket, so he cut the engines off and parachuted to the ground. Just in case you don’t believe me, click here for a great video of the whole crazy flight. Segway, move over. Personal zeppelins and subs, make room. This thing is hereby inducted in to the Wetass Invention Hall Of Fame. Can’t wait to see people jetting their way to work above jammed freeways, or drag racing across continents. That is, as long as the CIA doesn’t get their mitts on it first…
Rocketman Rossy: “This is awesome. Altitude: 1000 meters. Speed: 100 knots. Temperature of my ass: 150 degrees…”
Wetass News Notes I–Socrates Don’t Surf: Now here’s a crying shame. Britain’s Swansea Institute has been forced to drop its course in “Surf And Beach Management” because “it was impossible to stop people poking fun at it.” Other teachers called it “Mickey Mouse” and an insult to academia. And Principal David Warner got sick and tired of trying to explain to scoffers that it was a serious subject. Even though he pulled the plug, Warner defended the idea, saying “This is an example of a very good vocational course within a dynamic industry which now will not be run simply because of the bigots.” But it was pretty hard to get around the fact that the course included sections on managing surf expeditions and surf destination planning. Or the fact that Swansea’s classrooms were filling up with obnoxious students in baggy swim trunks who smoked a lot of spliff and insisted on calling the professors “Dude”…
Okay, class! Pop quiz! When you stand up in a left break do you put your left foot forward first or your right…?”
Wetass News Notes II–Abandoned Dogs: The Grand St. Bernard Monastery, which sits at 8,000 feet in the Swiss Alps, did anyone who loves dog drool a huge favor four centuries ago when they decided they needed help rescuing travelers trapped in the dangerous, snowy pass. So they bred the massive St. Bernard dog, and used them to make more than 2000 rescues since 1700. The dogs could smell humans buried under avalanches, and hear avalanches long before humans could. When they found a victim, the big lugs would lie down on top of them and lick them to keep them warm. Grand Champ of them all was a dog named Barry, who made 41 rescues in the early 19th century. And of course, the dogs looked great (though the barrel of brandy hanging from their collars was a fiction created by artists–which no doubt inspired lots of alcoholics to get lost in the Alps). But now the monastery is down to just four overworked monks who say they don’t have the money or the time to keep the dogs. So they’re selling them. Does this make any sense? No TIME? They’re MONKS…in a MONASTERY…in a remote spot in the ALPS. Maybe they are too hooked on PlayStation, but that’s a lame excuse. And as for money, why don’t they just breed enough dogs to sell them to egotistical celebrities, who’d love to have a St. Bernard St. Bernard. Calling Mike Tyson, Puff Daddy, Elton John, and Brigid Bardot…
“This guy’s a goner, Bernie. Let’s break into my collar cask and then chase poodles…”
Wetass Video Of The Week…: Kick back and check out this incredible compilation of cuts from the best surf videos of 2004. They are from the nominees for Surfer magazine’s 2004 video awards. We’re talking big waves, big air, endless breaks, hurtful wipeouts, and good music. It’s voyeur heaven and make sure you’ve got more than a few minutes, because this is no 30-second sneak peak…
Annals Of Adventure–Around-N-Over: It’s pretty hard to make anyone’s jaw drop these days, when there are so so few firsts, and so many gimmicks and so many pretenders in the world of adventure. But every once in a while, some maniac comes up with an adventure idea that makes you sit back and say: “Holy sh*t! I can’t believe he/she is going to do that!” Well, meet Erden Eruc, a Turkish-born American who plans to climb the six highest summits on six continents. No big deal, you say. Lots of people have done that, and hit the highest summit in Antarctica to boot. True, true. But no one has ever done it…ENTIRELY UNDER HUMAN POWER! What do I mean? I mean Eruc will not just climb the mountains, he will get to them by either bicycling or rowing. No cars, no jets, no nothing with a combustion engine. Just Erden Eruc burning millions of calories as he circles the globe in one of the most ambitious quests I have come across. It is also a poignant one, because Eruc added the mountain climbing wrinkle to this project to honor his great friend and mentor Goran Kropp, who died in a climbing accident in 2002. Eruc, who is based in Seattle, has already bicycled to, and climbed, Denali. Now he’s peddling his way south toward Florida, where he’ll hit the high seas and row his way to Ecuador, so he can bike to Aconcagua. Here’s the full, ridiculous, itinerary:
–leave Florida on an ocean rowing boat at the beginning of 2005, round the east end of Cuba for a clear shot toward the Panama Canal, then arrive at Ecuador where the boat will be stored;
–bicycle to Aconcagua in Argentina, and climb it in Jan 2006, bicycle back to Ecuador;
–row across the Pacific Ocean to reach the summit of Carstenz Pyramid on Irian Jaya, the highest point in Oceania;
–row to India, bicycle to Nepal, climb Everest, then return to the boat by bicycle;
–row to the east coast of Africa, approach and climb Kilimanjaro, the highest point in Africa;
–row through the Red Sea and the Suez Canal up to Turkey, approach and climb Elbruz in Russia, the highest point in Europe;
–row the length of the Mediterranean Sea, then across the Atlantic Ocean to the east coast of the United States;
–finally bicycle back home to Seattle with an expected return in early 2011.
Whew. I’m exhausted just summarizing this thing. You can follow this monster adventure at Around-N-Over, Erden’s website. He’ll be posting regular dispatches along the way. Can you imagine the blisters this guy is going to get…
Extra-Ambitious Eruc: “Of course I’m insane. But at least it means I won’t have a real job for the next, umm, seven years…”
Annals Of Adventure–Global Challenge: There’s a round-the-world yacht race going on right now. Started Sunday from Portsmouth, England. But it’s not your everyday, sailed by professionals, ho-hum, global extravaganza. Nope, it’s 12 identical 72-foot yachts, racing around the world’s oceans from east to west, with each yacht crewed by a professional skipper and 17 amateurs, who are probably all puking their guts out right now and wondering why they forked over nearly $40,000 for the privilege. Does it get any more Wetass than this? I mean, the race goes around the globe from east to west, which is against the prevailing winds, which is the really hard way to go. And who would conceive such a diabolical way to torture CPAs and school teachers who think going to sea will be all sunsets and porpoises? Britain’s Chay Blythe, first man to sail solo, non-stop along this route, of course. There is a great website you can check in on to follow all the action. There’s a race viewer, daily logs, even audio clips. The first stop is Buenos Aires, followed by Wellington, Sydney, Cape Town, Boston and La Rochelle. The fleet is expected to get back to Portsmouth in about ten months. In the first few days the fleet has been handed a major North Atlantic drubbing, hammered by 40-50 knot winds. Here’s a typical report from one of the boats:
“Regarding the dreaded mal-de-mer, about 50% of the crew were wiped out yesterday, and we are still not back to a full compliment. At least the large seas and waves keep washing the decks for us! There is no rhyme nor reason for it, and it strikes at the most inopportune times, but we all cope with it in our own way. Mine is to continually drink water so at least I have something to show for all of these stomach exercises I have been performing – 6-pack here we come. Found the perfect cure though – a cadbury’s mini-roll and a half cup of cold tea! Have been fine ever since.”
Yup, sometimes it’s nice to be watching from the comfort of a dry, warm living room. But these guys will have their moments, and soon you’ll be wishing you could get out there, too, and wondering what your spouse will say when you mention that you’re thinking of taking ten months, and most of your savings, to go racing around the world…
“Hope you guys are enjoying the view from the rail. Because that’s pretty much where you are going to be for, oh, about 25,000 miles…”
Wetass Wake–RIP Gordo: Gordon Cooper, one of the original seven Mercury astronauts, died yesterday at the ripe old age of 77. Cooper was a true good ol’ boy, born in Oklahoma and full of The Right Stuff. Gordo’s first Mercury flight, in 1963, was the last solo flight by an American astronaut, and he orbited the Earth for more than 34 hours. His second mission, a two-man job in August 1965, set a space endurance record of almost 191 hours, and demonstrated that astronauts could endure a mission to the Moon. Cooper was the first human to sleep in space, and the first to be featured on live television from his orbiting spaceship. According to the NYT, Cooper was as cool as they come:
“Toward the end of his Mercury mission, the automatic system that was supposed to control his descent failed, and he had to take control manually. When Mr. Cooper, then an Air Force major, was asked by flight controllers if he was in position for firing his retrorockets, he replied, “right on the old bazoo.” He was hailed for making a bull’s-eye landing, 7,000 yards from a waiting aircraft carrier.”
Cooper never got picked for an Apollo mission, a decision he blamed on “in-house politics.” He also wrote a book claiming he encountered UFOs during his years as a test pilot, and saying he believed in extra-terrestrial intelligence. Hmmm. He’s been up there, so maybe…
“Uhh, Mission Control, everything looks okay, but Gordo says he’s got another life form in there with him, and he keeps calling it Alf…”
(Photo: AP)
Annals Of Achievement–SpaceShipOne Claims Ansari X Prize: Well, Burt Rutan’s wondertoy did it, flying to suborbital space for the second time in 2 weeks. That’s good enough to take home the $10 million X Prize, and set Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic space tourist extravaganza on the road to fruition. Would you pay $200,000 for a ride on the thing? Better wear diapers. It looks like a hairy, hairy ride…
“Glad to win the $10 mil for ya Burt. But I ain’t no glorified commercial pilot, so don’t expect me to fly that Roman Candlestick for Richard Branson.”
Mt. St Helens–She’s Gonna Blow! Well, Maybe…: The big volcano is still “hiccuping”, which means the (use Dr. Evil voice here) magma might be moving. Which means she could still blow. If you don’t happen to have access to CNN, which by now has 432 reporters deployed around the mountain, here’s the link for the Mount St. Helens cam, courtesy of the U.S. Forest Service. ‘Splode, Baby, ‘splode….
Three Days Ago…
Twenty Four Years Ago
The Earthist Chronicles 