Everest Ghosts–Mallory and Irvine Expedition Comes Up With A Corpse: Actually, make that 5 corpses. But only one has really got their attention. It was found above 8,000 meters on May 27, and it wasn’t a pretty sight: headless, with many broken bones and massive damage to the chest area. The reason it got their attention is that this mystery climber was wearing a leather (i.e. not modern) boot, and hand-made socks. No climbing harness, personal effects, or rope was found. At first the climbing team thought two characters in blue ink in the boot indicated that the climber was Chinese (and only Irvine and a Chinese climber are thought to have died on this part of Everest (the North side) before 1985). But the writing turns out to be English. The team–which doesn’t believe it is Sandy Irvine (they don’t say why)–gave the corpse a proper burial, but will continue to try to determine its identity (DNA maybe?). The expedition also found an old oxygen bottle at 8,400 meters. What about the other four bodies? Some of them were just photographed because they were hard to reach, and their identities are so far unknown. The expedition is playing it’s cards very close to the chest. “Several other items in various locations” were found, but no details have been offered. The expedition is now off the mountain trying to sort it all out. Stay tuned. This could get very interesting…



Mallory (second from left) and Irvine (far right) En Route To Everest, And Destiny, February 1924

(Photo: Sandy Irvine Trust, UK via EverestNews.Com)

TWC Quick Hits…:

Scottish Salmon Living Near Whiskey Distilleries Grow Extra Large Testicles: Any questions?

(What the Hell Is Going On Up There 1?) Norwegian Experts Use Massive Amounts Of Popcorn To Simulate Oil Spill: But didn’t count on 12,000 seagulls joining exercise…

(What the Hell Is Going On Up There 2?) Norwegian Parliament To Allow Tourists To Join Seal Hunt: Ministers figure rich, gun-crazed psychos who suffer from inferiority complexes have just about cleaned out Africa…



“Uh-oh. This guy trying to sneak up on me is fat, sunburned, and carrying an AK-47. I’m starting to miss those Eskimos with clubs…”

Transat Trials–Sleep Deprivation: The trimarans may be more extreme–faster, trickier to sail, greater possibility for a quick swim (click here to listen to winning 60-foot multihull skipper Michel Desjoyeaux interviewed after the race). But the Open 60 monohulls require ironmen. Mike Golding in Ecover is still leading the fleet, with a comfortable 38 mile lead, but the tales of exhaustion and error are starting to come out. Kiwi Mike Sanderson, who has been dueling with Golding for most of the race, just revealed that he broke a daggerboard in the 45-knot gale that blasted the fleet last Friday. Now he is half killing himself trying to keep up with Ecover, and bleeding miles to the fleet behind. Golding himself admitted “I got myself so knackered that I crashed out for quite a long time! My alarm is set for an hour, but I didn’t hear it, which meant I was sleeping through a 100 decibel car alarm for two and a half hours.” Conrad Humphreys on Hellomoto, battling for fourth, put up his largest headsail as night settled with a building wind. The next thing he remembers is waking up in his sleeping bag more than two hours later–having fallen asleep and sleepwalked his way to bed. “I had that dry, nauseous feeling in my mouth and then sheer terror hit – I ran up on deck and saw that Hellomoto was going at 28 knots boat speed with the Code 5 still up…!” In his panic to get the sail down, he dropped most of it into the water and spent another hour struggling to get it back on board. It’s impossible for anyone not out there to imagine the extremes of exhaustion these guys ar pushing themselves to. And most of them have a few more days of this before they can safely sleep the sleep of the dead…



Here’s Why They Don’t Sleep: Conrad Humphreys snaps a pic of Nick Moloney’s Skandia after 2,000 miles of racing…

(Photo: Conrad Humphreys)

Weirdass Sport #362–Squirrel Fishing: Yes, it’s a crazy, crazy world…at least if you measure it by the remarkable enthusiasm many seemingly normal people have for the fine art of squirrel fishing. It all started up at the engineering labs of Hahvahd, where two grad students named Nikolas Gloy and Yasuhiro Endo–who are obviously procrastinating big time–started a little “research” project in “Rodent Performance Evaluation.” This led to a lot of experiments with string, peanuts and gray squirrels, and some breakthrough discoveries. Such as Gloy’s First Conjecture, which states that a squirrel will always give up one acorn if another one is thrown nearby. And the revelation that smart squirrels will bite through the string instead of pulling on the peanut (and that squirrels in Texas are smarter than squirrels in Massachusetts). They also proved that you can’t get a standing squirrel to fall over backward by moving the peanut over its head (though they admit that more research is needed to ascertain whether squirrels get dizzy from spinning for the peanut).

Anyhow, as word of this important research spread, other procrastinators and assorted eccentrics picked up poles and peanuts and, skipping all the science, just started squirrel fishing. So should you be inclined to fish for squirrels too, click here for an excellent summary of techniques and helpful tips. For example:

“Watch the squirrel and get to know his style. Some squirrels are skittish and jumpy; these tend to be the thinner, smaller ones. On the other end of the spectrum lie the chubby squirrels, who tend to be less inhibited when it comes to approaching humans. Go for the roly-poly ones. They’re friendlier, and fat for a reason.”

Still not hooked. Click here for an exciting photo sequence which effectively conveys the suspense, excitement and downright pleasure of fishing for…ummm…squirrels…



“Whooeee! I got me one! Heat up the skillet Amy Sue, we’re gonna be eatin’ good tonight…”

Wetass Video Of The Week: It’s all Transat all the time, so here’s a spectacular video of Yves Parlier’s radical, hydroplaning catamaran shortly after the start. Parlier’s cat is still in the development phase, and it’s not optimized for upwind work (before the race he said it would be a victory if he could just finish). So it’s no surprise that he’s at the tail end of the 60-foot multihull fleet. But judging from this video, Parlier may be on to something with this crazy-ass, new design…



Parlier’s Baby: “All I need is flat water and 30 knots of breeze and everyone will stop laughing at me…”

(Photo: Thierry Martinez)

The Transat–Desjoyeaux Wins: Last night, as evening was just starting to settle on Boston Harbor, a 60-foot trimaran emerged from the haze, blasting along at 23 knots to cross a finish line. At the helm was “The Professor,” who completed the 2800 mile solo voyage from Plymouth in 8 days, 8 hours, at an average speed of 13.61 knots. Desjoyeaux put up the race’s biggest 24 hour run (440 miles) and his overall time smashed the existing race record by almost two days. He led almost the whole way, despite such horrific conditions that he complained he was “too old” (he’s 38) for the sort of pounding he was taking. Yeah, right. By winning The Transat, Desjoyeaux becomes the first sailor ever to complete the triple crown, winning the three most coveted solo races: the Vendee Globe, the Route De Rhum, and The Transat. In other words, he’s possibly the best solo sailor ever.

Back out on the ocean, the 60-foot monohulls are continuing to duel boat for boat, and should arrive at the weekend. And Our Man Joe (Harris) has been passed again in the 50-foot class by Kip Stone. If you want to know how grueling this race is, consider this: Harris sent a report in yesterday in which he said that he hadn’t been in his bunk once over the course of this race. Not once. And he’s got a lot of hard upwind sailing to come. There’s no doubt about it: solo sailing is just about the physically demanding sport out there, on a par with the Tour De France…



Desjoyeaux Finishes: “Thank God. This race is hard enough, but sailing all this way standing on one leg…”

(Photo: Benoit Stichelbaut/DPPI)

Kiteboarding Extremes–The Crossing: TWC has been in search of kiteboarding voyages, and here’s another one. Last month, ten of the top women kiteboarders in the world attempted to sail 70 miles from the Scilly Isles in the English Channel, to Watergate Bay in Cornwall, England. They dubbed it “The Crossing”, and a handful of the boarders actually made it (click here for funny profiles of all the women). One of them was Swiss kiteboarding goddess and big air champ Fiona Wedenig (nickname: “FiFi Wingding”), who was recently interviewed on WetDawg. Here’s a little of what she had to say:

“The simple fact of pulling such a huge thing off as a group of girls made it quite unique. The moments of actually being out there in the middle of the ocean without seeing any land around us was a very powerful and humbling feeling…We kited for 5 1/2 hours straight without a break. We had to face problems such as muscle cramps, dehydration, hypothermia etc.”

Apparently, kiteboarders have also crossed the Irish Sea and English Channel. And the women of “The Crossing” might be cooking up another one, this time in much warmer water….



“I’m cruising at good altitude, but where the hell is Watergate Bay? All I see is sheep…”

(Photo: Rich Arthur)

TWC Quick Hits…:

Ghostbusters Called In To Investigate Royal Navy Base: Intrigued by sightings of hard-partying, rum-drinking cartoon pirate who goes by the name of Capt. Morgan…

2 High School Seniors Swim From Alcatraz As Class Project: Survive 1.25 mile swim in 50-degree water, but expelled before graduation for carrying shivs, jumping students in the showers, and trading cigarettes…

British Researchers Say Ducks Have Regional Accents: London ducks louder and coarser than their country cousins; also more prone to fowl language…



Cockney Duck: “Oy! I likes me beer warm and flat! Serve me one more cold one and I’ll shoot your bleedin’ ‘ead orf…”

The Transat–First Finish Tonight: Amazing. Twenty-four hours of racing and there hasn’t been a dismasting or capsize. Plus, Swiss skipper Bernard Stamm has been plucked by a tanker from his keel-less, upturned boat. But there is plenty of close, close racing. In the 60-foot trimaran fleet, leader Michel Desjoyeaux on Geant is under 200 miles from Boston and should get there this afternoon (knocking about a day off the existing Transat record of 9 days 23 hours). Nipping at his hulls, just 32 miles behind and going almost twice as fast at the moment, is Thomas Coville in Sodebo. Desjoyeaux, winner of the last Vendee Globe, is the ultimate clinician. But even “The Professor,” as he is called, is probably sweating it right now, because there are light, tricky winds all the way to Boston.

Back in the 60-foot monohull fleet, there is an equally heated battle going on between Brit Mike Golding on Ecover and Kiwi newcomer Mike Sanderson on Pindar AlphaGraphics. They’ve been trading the front position back and forth, and for the moment Golding is clinging to a slim 2.3 mile lead. And the big news is in the 50-foot monohull fleet, where TWC favorite Joe Harris on Wells Fargo has finally overtaken Kip Stone on ArtForms, eking out a 20 mile lead. This fleet still has 1200 miles to go, so Joe will have to fight for his lead over a huge distance. Here’s what he had to say about the ride overnight:

“The boat is flying along, borderline out of control. It’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time…It is so dark out here and so wild on deck. And we are sailing at full speed. It’s an unreal situation. With the boat vibrating so much the radar is not getting clean scans so essentially I am sailing blind.”

Pretty ballsy for a first-timer. A big TWC tip of the hat to Joe…



Joe Harris And Wells Fargo: “What? I’m actually winning?…I’m still freaking, but I think I like this solo racing thing.”

(Photo: DPPI)

Wetass Chronicles–Program Note: In a desperate attempt to at least cover my monthly server costs so my wife will stop mocking me, I have added ads (say that 10 times fast), courtesy of Google. You don’t have to buy anything, but if you want to send a few pennies my way, click on one of the Google ad links before you go back to work (any geeks who can come up with a way to automate this that will fool all the Nobel laureates at Google, please let me know). Also, if you want to embarrass your spouse and family by wearing a Wetass t-shirt, click on “Buy Wetass Stuff” to go the Wetass Emporium. I’ll be adding to the Wetass Clothing Line over time…



In Case You Are A Wetass Who Doesn’t Go Commando…