Annals Of Avarice–The Wreck Of The Titanic Is A Wreck: Explorer Robert Ballard, who discovered the location of Titanic in 1986, is back visiting the Old Girl. His purpose: to document the extensive damage that wreck visitors have done since he first found the ship. It’s not a pretty story, and depressingly predictable. Thousands of artifacts–including the ship’s bell and ship’s light–have been torn off for collection or for sale. Holes have been gouged in Titanic’s deck and hull by careless submarine operators. And garbage has been dumped all around the site. Are we a great species, or what?

You can watch Ballard’s report, Return To Titanic, on the National Geographic channel tonight at 9 pm EST. And you can read his expedition dispatches here…



Titanic Bow, 2004: At least Leo and Kate’s rail is still intact…

Everest–The Reality Show: Ok, Annabelle Bond was a lot more, umm, noticeable, and she wrote some great reports about her Everest climb. But if you want the read one of the best amateur accounts of what it is like to summit, you have to head over to Explorer’s Web and read the brutally honest post-climb report of Royal Air Force Flight Lieutenant and mountaineer Ted Atkins. He got to the top in mid-May–his third attempt–but almost copped it. Atkins captures the chaos of Everest’s upper reaches as dozens and dozens of climbers stagger around in the dark, oxygen runs low, and the Sherpa’s desperately try to keep it all under control. Atkins gets “summit fever” and pushes on to the top even though he knows his oxygen cylinder is going to run out at some point on the descent. As he stands on the summit asking other climbers if they have any spare oxygen, a Sherpa offers Atkins his tank, saying he will cope better without it than Atkins. To his credit, Atkins takes responsibility for his situation and refuses to put the Sherpa in danger. He refuses the generous offer and heads down, sucking on the last dregs of O2 in his tank. Here’s part of his story:

“Hypoxia was already affecting my thoughts. Only five minutes later it was clear to me that the gas had run dry. The level of exhaustion that I felt just minutes later was totally debilitating. Now I was that old man, try and get 10 steps, rest, move, keep moving. My mind started playing games with me, it was split in two parts: good guy keep going, get down, bad guy stop rest, have a little sleep, it will be ok. My body had given up. Mind and body were in collusion give up. I fell. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if I was clipped into the fixed rope. I remember falling and hitting the rocks at the bottom. There was a part of me that was determined to go on to get down. The combination of exhaustion and the sudden shut down of the oxygen supply was just too much. Only one thing could help me now; I had to find an O2 cylinder…”

I don’t want to give away the rest of the story, because you should read it yourself. If you do, you’ll get an extraordinary account of the emotions and physical extremes that prompt climbers simply to go to sleep on the mountain…and die. You’ll also learn why western climbers have such huge respect and affection for the Sherpas who make a living keeping people alive on Everest, almost always at the risk of their own lives. It’s a great tale, and moving too, I promise…



Atkins On The Summit: “Yay. Now how the f*ck do I get down without any oxygen…?

Transat Carnage: Jeez, you head off for the weekend and all hell breaks loose in the fleet. And ironically, it’s all in the 60-foot monohull fleet. Usually they are pretty reliable, leaving all the exploding boat stuff to the 60-foot trimaran fleet. So let’s see. It all started on Friday late, with the 360 degree roll and dismasting of sometime race leader Virbac, in tricky 40-knot winds and 20-foot seas. That was the second dismasting for skipper Jean Pierre Dick in the past six months, and is particularly brutal because The Transat is supposed to be his qualifying race for the Vendee Globe solo race around the world this Fall (click here to listen to Dick explain how it happened). Then, early this morning, it was PRB‘s turn to drop the mast. PRB was in third place at the time and also getting blasted by heavy winds. Finally, just hours ago, Swiss skipper Bernard Stamm, who had also led the race at times, set off his distress signal. His keel had, umm, fallen off. This has a very simple and brutal result: the boat inverts. Luckily, the engineers that design these machines are well aware that this is a possibility, so the boats are designed to be able to float upside down. Stamm is inside, and safe for the moment, and the Canadian maritime authorities, who are suddenly very busy, are on their way.

And the 60-foot trimarans? Just skating along, with leader Michel Desjoyeaux due into Boston tomorrow…



Stamm’s Ride: “Wow, that’s a lot of keel vibration. I wonder what the hell is going…Ohhh, sh******t!”

Have A Wetass Weekend…

Wetass Sport #363–Cluster Ballooning: Remember the moron in LA, who in 1982 thought he would go for a little ride above his neighborhood by attaching some helium balloons to a lawn chair? He ended up at 16,000 feet, in the flight path to LAX. Somehow, he survived to keep the gene pool just a notch dumber than it otherwise would be. Well, naturally this little stunt has been turned into a full-fledged sport, and the numero uno cluster(f*ck) balloon pilot in North America (actually the only cluster balloon pilot in North America) is a guy named John Ninomiya. He’s made 23 cluster balloon flights, which he claims to be the most by any “pilot” anywhere (Ninomiya says there are about a half dozen others around the world with a similar big balloon fetish). The idea is simple: attach a bunch of big-ass helium balloons to a harness, release ballast when you want to go up, and pop the balloons (no, not all of them!) when you want to come down. Ninomiya can get a little scary on the subject (“There’s a sense of anticipation as the balloons are attached to you, and you grow lighter and lighter. The balloons are so big, it’s like being a child again”) but I guess it’s better that he’s into balloons than, err, other things. So check out his extensive website, and read about his lifelong obsession with big, shiny, colorful balloons (triggered by watching the movie “The Red Balloon”), the history of cluster ballooning (first flight: 1937. Really.), the relative merits of latex versus mylar (sounds like a condom ad), and a whole bunch of other crap you probably don’t need to know…



“Yup, I’m really up there. Just me and my balloons. Flying. I can’t believe my Mom thinks I still need to grow up…”

Transat Live (Almost)!: Ahh, the wonders of technology. Thanks to the intrepid cameramen of Seamaster Sailing we no longer have to wonder what an Open 60 trimaran sailing the North Atlantic looks like. We can sit right at home on our fat duffs and click the mouse a few times (as long as we have Quicktime! If you don’t, just get it already. You’re missing a lot of great video…). First a quick race summary: The leading trimarans have sailed through the center of the gale, and are now blazing along in strong northwesterly winds, heading for the exits of the depression. They are more than halfway to Boston and nervous about icebergs. Except apparently leader Michel Desjoyeaux, who claims that he slept all night and let the autopilot do the driving in 44 knot winds and 18 foot seas (the fleet’s collective response: “Bullshit!”). A couple hundred miles back the three leading Open 60 monohulls are packed in a tight group and racing their hearts out, putting up 300 mile-plus days. Mike Sanderson on Pindar AlphaGraphics reports that he was sailing at 27 knots last night, which is just about the only reason these sailors put up with the cold and damp. Anyhow, let’s go to the tape!

Click here for a Day 3 report, which has some great shots of the tris at 24 knots, launching off waves. You can really see how light–and powerful–these racing machines are…

More? You want more? Okay. Click here for a Day 4 wrapup (and to practice your French). We’ve got fog, we’ve got spray, we’ve got more trimarans, and one great shot of the outboard steering station (towards the end). No wonder these guys love the autopilot…

Stop! Enough! You’re killing me! This is the last one! Click here for Day 5. See Foncia literally flying over the waves, and hear Alan Gautier describe how he broke almost all his mainsail battens in 40-plus knots, and had to drop the beast for repairs…

Phew, after all that I’ve got to lie back and smoke a cigarette…



Desjoyeaux Underway: Is that the sound of snoring?

(Photo: DPPI)

Everest Speed Record Revisited: All is not mellow in Sherpa-land, it seems. Just over a week ago, TWC reported on a new Everest speed record, set by Pemba Dorji Sherpa who said he went from Base Camp to the summit in the spectacular time of 8 hours and 10 minutes. But now Lakpa Gelu Sherpa, the previous record holder who managed the feat in May 2003 in 10 hours and 46 minutes, has challenged Pemba Dorji’s new record. Citing inconsistencies in Pemba’s account and the bad weather on the mountain that day, Lakpa filed a complaint with the Nepalese tourist ministry, questioning whether Pemba really could have pulled off the climb. “When Pemba is believed to have reached the top at record fastest time there was no one above 6,500 meters (21,330 feet),” [Lakpa] said. “Thus no one can say if Pemba really made it to the top or not.” Pemba has shrugged off the charge, saying that he has sufficient poof. Interestingly, when Lakpa set his record in 2003, the record he bested–set just three days earlier–had been put up by none other than Pemba Sherpa. The tourism ministry has opened a probe to sort out this ongoing pissing match. But there’s obviously only one way to resolve it once and for all: both Sherpas, head to head, sprinting up Everest. And TWC claims the TV rights…



Pemba Sherpa: “Hey, Lakpa. You’re right. I do look pretty damn good for having been to the top and back. Heh-heh. Eat your heart out, bro..”

(Photo: AFP)

TWC Quick Hits…:

Man Hangs Himself After Wife Catches Him Having Sex With Hen: Distraught hen then slaughtered. Wow, talk about a bad day…

Racehorse Outsprinted By Middle-Aged, Sausage Eating Greyhound: Dog wins by 15 dog lengths over 400 meters, resolving local barroom debate. What, you’ve never wondered about this?

21 Bloodied and Battered In Chaotic Annual Cheese Rolling Competition: Participants pursue 71-pound double Gloucester wheel down a very steep hill. Why? They’re English…



“Faster, chaps, it’s getting away. Oh bother! I seem to have broken my ankle…”

Transat Trials: The lead trimaran is about 1700 miles from Boston, and the lead Open 60 monohull has got about 1850. Directly between them is a fast-moving depression–packing winds of 40 knots or more, and nasty seas–which the fleet will be forced to sail directly through. The last time this happened, in the 2002 Route De Rhum, there was carnage all over the place, with boats breaking apart one after another. It’s not as if life has been easy so far. A bunch of trimarans have been reporting collisions with floating debris, and even a whale (though no major damage yet). Plus, it’s been almost all upwind so far, which is by far the most miserable point of sail for these sensitive boats. Yves Parlier’s radical hydroplaning cat, seems to be suffering most. He’s already more than 300 miles behind the multihull leader, former Vendee Globe winner Michel Desjoyeaux. Uh, Yves, maybe you better stick to downwind events in that thing. At least our buddy, Joe Harris on Wells Fargo-American Pioneer, knows how to deal with the sh*t weather, reporting “I have made the first of my favorite night watch beverage-instant coffee, cocoa, Parmelat milk and a splash of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey to buck me up to go on deck in the dark and cold and rain.” There are very few situations in life that a dash of Jameson’s can’t improve…



“Great, I’ve only got to do this for another, oh, 2000 miles…”

The Survivor Celebrity Sausage Machine Exposed–“Brand Bethany”: We’re all familiar with Bethany Hamilton. Sweet 13-year old surfer. Arm gets bitten of by a tiger shark. Overcomes crippling injury with grace and courage. Makes news around the world. Well, it won’t surprise you to learn that Sweet Bethany now has an agent, a book deal, and a pack of handlers that manage every interview and public appearance the kid makes. The aim: max revenue, and her family is entirely complicit. The LA Times gets into it all, with a fascinating–and frequently cringe-inducing–expose on what happens when an unknown teenager is transformed into a “survivor,” a media obsession…and, inevitably, a slick and carefully milked cash cow. Reporter Ashley Powers doesn’t try to make Bethany and her family seem greedy, just caught up in the seemingly inevitable American cycle of fame and exploitation. After all, the kid lost her arm, and physical therapy and a good prosthetic costs a lot of money. But it’s hard not to raise an eyebrow. Here’s Powers, trying to snag an interview with Sweet Bethany:

It’s May now, and Cheri Hamilton is on the line, explaining why her daughter could not be (and, indeed wasn’t) interviewed for this story. Cheri’s speech is slack, like an overheated beachgoer’s. She is patient, and firm: If the family agreed to an interview now, it might jeopardize their deal with Simon & Schuster for a book, still untitled. “They want people hungry,” she says, cheerily. To talk to anyone now “would be giving away what they’re trying to sell. Call us at the end of October and we’ll do all the media you want.”

Umm, Cheri? What they–and you, it seems–are selling…is your daughter. The only one just living his life normally in all this is the tiger shark…



“Oh sh*t, better cut back the other way to avoid running over that pack of TV cameras…”

Photo: Noah (Bethany’s Brother) Hamilton (You can bill me later, dude…)