Have A Wetass Weekend…



(Photo via WahineSurfing.com)

Annals of Adventure–Mekong Descent: Meet Australian Mick O’Shea. He’s on his way–by yak–to the Tibetan Plateau, the source of the Mekong River. Once he gets there, he plans to hop into a kayak and start paddling. His aim: to become the first human to paddle the Mekong from its beginning, at an elevation of 5224 meters, to its end, in the China Sea. That’s 3,000 miles of river, which passes through six nations (China, Myanmar, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam) and some of the most spectacular, untraveled backcountry on the planet (you can also follow Mick’s expedition here). For you geography buffs, the Mekong (which means “The Mother Of Waters” in Thai) is the 12th longest river in the world and ranks 10th in terms of sheer volume of water. We’re talking all sorts of ecologies, from Polar Desert to Tropical Rainforest, and the possibility of seeing (or running away from) an incredible array of fauna, like endangered Irrawaddy dolphins, crocodiles, Snow Leopards, Clouded Leopards, tigers, Sun Bear and Asian elephant. Oh yeah, there’s also more than 1,000 miles of kickass whitewater. Mick expects the entire voyage to take about 3 months. Wonder if he’ll come across any aging Viet Cong, hiding out in the dark interior and unaware that the Vietnam War ended 30 years ago? Bet he didn’t think of that…

Russian Climbing–Another Big Wall?!: Despite the risk of overdosing on the exploits of Russian climbers, TWC would be remiss if it did not check in on the OTHER Russian Big Wall attempt that is going on in addition to the Everest North Face expedition. This one is on the unclimbed North Face of Jannu (7710 meters) and it is just about as hairy as the Everest proposition. The Russians gave it a crack last Fall but were turned back at 7200 meters. Once off the face, team leader Alexander Odintsov called it “the most dangerous place I have ever seen,” due to the chunks of falling ice that rained down on the climbers 15-20 times a day. The Russians are back at 7,000 meters, where they have hacked and carved a bivvy spot into the icy face. This camp will be used as a place for climbers working higher up the Wall to recuperate. Here’s what it’s like up there:

Our group took all the day to cut out in ice a 2х2 meters platform under a tent for Efimov’s group. I have been on “7-thousand” mountains 35 times, but this is the first time bivvy organization at 7000m took so much time and force. A half of the tent is cut into the slope and closed from above by a 3х4m awning. Dust avalanches fly over it, not causing harm. We have to climb via combined relief: 70-90-degrees rocks with ice blocks and rocky cornices.

Quien es mas macho? Russian climbers. Hands-down…



Accomodations at 7000 Meters: “One 5-star sleeping ledge, coming right up. Now, if we could only order room service…”

Annals of Adventure–Ellen’s In The Record Hunt: The round-the-world sailing record season is over, but the North Atlantic record-breaking season is just beginning. And first to go on stand-by is Ellen MacArthur, on her brand, spanking new 75-foot trimaran, B&Q (hmm, not quite as evocative a name as Kingfisher). The boat was designed by multihull maestro (and all-around great guy) Nigel Irens, and built in Australia. It has one purpose and one purpose only: to mow down solo sailing record after solo sailing record. The big three are the transatlantic record from Ambrose Light, NYC to The Lizard at the entrance to the English Channel, the 24-hour distance record, and the round-the-world record. All of them are going to require some intense sailing to beat. The transat solo record is owned by Laurent Bourgnon, who in 1994 sailed the course in 7 days, 2.5 hours. Along the way, Bourgnon sailed 540 miles in a 24-hour period, which was such a monster number that for 4 years it was the outright 24-hour record for ANY boat, solo or crewed. And the RTW record was just smashed this year by Francis Joyon, in a time of 73 days.

A lot of armchair sailors think that with that time Joyon put the record out of reach for years, but no one should ever underestimate the sheer grit, skill and determination of the 5′ 2″ Derbyshire dynamo. Ellen has already sailed B&Q halfway around the world as a shakedown, and the boat has loped along at 20-30 knots in the right conditions. The hard part is balancing speed and sleep in such a demanding multihull. Ellen only slept an average of 3 hours during her solo delivery from the Falklands to the United States. Is that enough in a boat where one mistake can flip you upside down? There’s no obvious weather window on the horizon so Ellen will probably be on standby in New York at least until Monday. But it won’t be long before we’ll find out what you get when you pair one of the world’s best solo sailors with the most hi-tech solo sailing machine ever built…



Ellen’s Speed Machine: ” Hi, Mom. I’m in New York, but I should be home in about a week…”

TWC Quick Hits…:

Two Hikers In Brazil Killed By Angry Bees: “I thought they were just doing the samba,” says witness…

Japanese Coast Guard Rescuing 62-Year Old Adventurer: Man trying to become first to row across Pacific in a boat with only one oar, but shocked to find himself going in circles…

Sperm Evidence Proves Male Giant Squid Have Sex With Each Other: Ken Starr called in to investigate…



“Oops, I dropped the soap….Heh-heh.”

Everest Roundup…: Now that there are two Everest expeditions (The Russians on the North Face wall and the climbing sleuths trying to unearth Sandy Irvine’s frozen corpse) in the Wetass zone there’s more action, more of the time. The Mallory/Irvine climbers have left advanced base camp and are headed up the mountain. Okay, that’s not very exciting news. But what is interesting is the thinking behind their expedition. Click here to start in on the history and theories behind the deaths of Mallory and Irvine. It’s as good as any suspense novel you’ll ever find….

Meanwhile, up on the North Face, the Russians are back at work on the wall. One team went up to 7200 meters, pulling the fixed ropes out of the snow, and rebuilding the tent site. They then pushed up to the limit of the fixed ropes at 7750 meters, while another climbing team worked to set up a tent at 7550. The weather is holding for the moment, so could be time for a big push. “Not one step back,” as Stalin ordered his troops when the Nazis invaded the Soviet Union (though he used to shoot them if they disobeyed)…



Everest’s North Face: Just a reminder of what these bastards are actually climbing…

Tales From The Fringe–Sebastien “The Sub” Murat: With a nickname like that you’re either a sandwich lover or a free diver, and since this is The Wetass Chronicles we are indeed talking about a free diver. Why? Well, Australian Seb Murat, whose e-mail user name is Homo Aquaticus, is out to break the world freediving record (which is currently 171 meters, or 561 feet) using a rather unusual training method: instead of hyperventilating and filling his lungs with air before he dives, Murat expels all air from his lungs. No air? Sounds crazy. Well, it probably is, but Murat believes that it also helps boost his red blood cell capacity (like high altitude training) so when he does go for a record with a lungful of air, he’ll be able to take more air down with him. And plenty of other freedivers are starting to take notice. Click here to read a great profile of The Sub, full of excruciating detail about gushing snot, lung blood, and a sport which is both extreme and deadly. Here’s writer John Van Tiggelen watching Murat on a practice dive:

“While Murat trains on no air, and has descended to 100 metres on empty lungs, the no-limits event does require air to withstand the tremendous pressures involved. Apart from his lungs, Murat needs to equalise the pressure in his sinuses and ears. To about 65 metres, he can force air up from his lungs to equalise. Thereafter he may use air stored in his mouth. When that’s gone, he removes his noseclip to let water flood into his sinuses to compress the air and equalise the pressure that way.

Taking one last, huge breath, Murat does not descend immediately. Instead his mouth gapes like that of a landed fish, literally taking bites of air which he forces down his windpipe with his tongue, cheeks and palate. It’s a technique known as lung packing. Tests in the lab have revealed he can add up to two litres to his lung capacity this way.

After 45 seconds of this, Murat gives a nigh imperceptible nod to Murray, who instantly severs the cord holding the concrete. The dead weight swings down sharply and yanks Murat into the murk. He plummets like a corpse, eyes closed, his hands trailing in almost spiritual abandon, a man resigned to his fate.”

Read the whole thing. This guy is off the charts….



Sebastien “The Sub”: “Damn, if only my mother had called me Thomas “The Tank” I wouldn’t be spending all my time underwater…”

Wetass Video Of The Week….: Kickass kayaking from Canoe & Kayak magazine. Click here to dowload for Windows Media Player, and here to download for Quicktime. Be patient during the download. Oh, and make sure you watch the last waterfall sequence….



“Oh, Mama…….”

Russian Everest North Face Update: The Russian Big Wall climbing team that is attempting one of the world’s most difficult climbs–straight up the rocky center of Everest’s forbidding North Face–has been hunkered down in Base Camp for the past few days as hurricane force winds lashed Everest’s upper reaches. The weather has cleared up for the moment, but the winds destroyed three tents AND the mess tent. No matter, these guys would probably eat lichen if that’s what it takes. Now the Russians are headed back to work on the wall, to extend their network of fixed ropes and camps above the current 7800 meters. Climber Eugeny Vinogradsky reported that they intend to set a camp as high as 8500 meters (virtually just below the summit, which is at 8850), which would be one of the highest camps ever set on Everest. The wimpy southsiders tend to set their final camp at around 8000 to 8300 meters, and rush the summit from there, in order to spend as little time as possible in the Death Zone above 8,000 meters. The Russians can’t get away with that. The North Face has a difficult rock pitch between 7900 and 8500 meters, and there’s no way to get up that bad boy in a matter of hours. The Russians will now be working mostly in the Death Zone. This thing is about to get hairy….



Post-Hurricane Inventory: “Thank Tolstoy. The swill tent may be gone, but at least the vodka is safe….”

Special Tuesday Bonus Pic: 145-foot Mari Cha IV meets a Volvo Ocean 60 at Antigua Sailing Week…



“Pardon me, but do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?”

(Photo: Sharon Green)