Report From The Fringe–Landsailing: The LA Times takes us into the world of sailors who head inland when they want to rip it up. Their arena: Ivanpah Dry Lake Bed, a flat, arid, godforsaken scrap of desert that is five hours from downtown LA and happens to be custom-made for the art of sailing 3-wheeled pocket rockets at ridiculous speeds. The wind howls, and:

The sailors crank in the sails and their yachts take off like jets, swiftly disappearing in the vortices of dust that twirl behind them. All you can hear is the wind rushing through their rigging and the whir of wheels on clay. On a downwind leg, one craft peaks at 66.8 mph.

Click here to check out a Flash slideshow. And, yes, these guys have an annual “America’s Cup of Land Sailing” regatta. They just don’t spend $100 million to win it…



America’s Cup 2003: “Heh-Heh. Eat my dirt, Dryass…”

(Photo: Mark Harris)

Reinhold Messner Update–Mystery Solved?: Late last year, TWC wrote about uber-climber Reinhold Messner, and a raging controversy over whether he abandoned his brother Gunther on Nanga Parbat in 1970. Reinhold has always maintained his brother was swept to his death by an avalanche as the two brothers descended the Diamir Face on the west side of the mountain after summitting. But last year, two members of the expedition, Max von Kienlin and Hans Saler, accused Reinhold of abandoning his exhausted brother after the summit, sending him alone back down the dangerous Rupal Face they had just climbed, so he could go on to glory by descending the unexplored Diamir Face alone. As the accusations and invective flew, Messner produced a broken leg bone, which had been found three years ago by a friend on the west side of Nanga Parbat (where Reinhold claims Gunther died). The bone was submitted for DNA testing, and thanks to prompting by reader Tricia, TWC has taken the time–okay 3 minutes–to learn that the testing did indeed (according to Reinhold, at least) prove the bone to be Gunther’s. “The DNA tests showed the bone was my brother’s,” Messner said. “They also measured it. Günther was 1.7 metres tall. It’s the right size. It was found below the spot where I saw him for the last time.” Messner has now launched a counter-attack against Von Kienlin, suing him for defamation and claiming that Von Kienlin has been out to get him ever since Messner ran off with Von Kienlin’s wife a year after the expedition and just after she had given birth to Von Kienlin’s third child (is this story juicy, or what?). Von Kienlin is not buying it, saying: “When it was first found the bone was too big to be Günther’s. Suddenly it’s not so big. Perhaps it shrank. It’s become a holy object.” Neither is TWC reader Tricia. “I’ve got this terrible vision of Reinhold sneaking up the mountain in the middle of the night, grabbing the [bone] and throwing it over the other side of the mountain…He’s so strange. And all that body hair… (shiver). Every time I see a picture of him I can’t help but think of men in lederhosen playing the theme from ‘Deliverance’ on their glockenspiels,” she writes. Well, Reinhold won’t give up until he convinces you, Tricia. He’s headed back to Nanga Parbat later this year, hoping to find Gunther’s ice axe, camera, and any other remains which will prove he didn’t callously condemn his own brother to death…



Mountainous Messner: “Bend over and squeal like a pig….”

Wetass Video Of The Week–Nostril Flossing?: Another offering from TWC Assistant Editor (Media/Food Tasting) Dave Ross. There has got to be a better way to earn a living than doing this. Or, maybe not. Warning: not for the squeamish…

Archive of Bad Ideas–Human Catapult Club: From the land that gave the world “extreme ironing,” comes this gem, which has been–surprise– shut down because, well, they killed someone. Poor sap–an exchange student from Bulgaria at Oxford who was apparently less aerodynamic than your average Brit–missed the landing net by inches after flying 100 feet through the air (would you allow some hungover engineer student to make that trajectory calculation for you?). Still, the Human Catapult Club, which is somehow connected to the “Dangerous Sport Club” and the “Oxford Stunt Factory” (even Monty Python couldn’t make this sh*t up), is an intriguing and oddly compelling idea. I like it. I just wouldn’t join it…



“Uh-oh. Now that I look at him Dmitri looks as if he might have put on a few pounds….”

Russkies On Everest Update–Almost to 8000 Meters: The ballsy Russian attempt to climb straight up the icy rock of Everest’s North Face is getting into thin air. Climber Viktor Volodin just checked in from the relative comfort of 6200 meters:

“Ermachek’s group worked above for three days and fixed the rope approximately up to 7500-7600 meters. We had only a little pitch left to [the] beginning [of the] flattening under the rocky bastion above, but we ran out of bolts. The character of the surface is rock plates covered with a snow and ice. We basically use anchor hooks to belay. The bad weather–a strong wind, snow and bad visibility of, a maximum, 50 -100 meters–complicates our ascent. Earlier Kuznetsov’s group made three pitches above 7300m and settled a tent. Our group is descending to the base camp: now we are at 6200, then will descend to 5600m and then to 5000m, and have a rest there. Koshelenko’s group will change with us, but not with its full complement: Bukinich feels not well and remains at the base camp, Zhilin feels unwell too. The sherpas work only up to 7000 meters and do not go further. The heaviest thing is to ascend to change the working group: we have to jog up about 30 pitches. Every day we move ahead and ahead. We work in any weather….”

“We work in any weather….” That’s the Russians, who are as tough as they come. And things are not going to get easier. According to Explorer’s Web, the Russians are past a big snowfield–with its avalanche dangers–and starting at 7900 meters face steep, unforgiving rock–which constantly rains chunks of stone down the mountain. A single hit could kill a climber or knock him off the face. Add the fact that the Russians are now at an altitude at which normal Everest wimps start sucking oxygen, and the fact that they are pinned to the wall for hours at a time, in frigid temperatures, placing one anchor after another, and you get a pretty intense picture. But don’t worry too much. Volodin later called back to say that Kosholenko’s groups had worked up to 7700 meters while he and climber Yura Ermachek were relaxing in their tent, reading Playboy….



Down Time, Russian Climber-Style: “Say, Yura, after I finish reading this, let’s write one of those “I never thought this would happen to me” letters to Penthouse. And pass the vodka. This prune juice like sh*t…”

TWC Quick Hits…:

18-Foot Great White Shark Jumps Into Fishing Boat: “When I tried to lift my fish aboard, the shark launched itself out of the water and onto the side of the boat.” Grabs beer from the cooler and slides back into the ocean. Who says angling isn’t an exciting sport..

Darwin At Work I–Man Drowns Trying To Retrieve Cowboy Hat: Doesn’t know how to swim. Boots fill up with water. Glub. Glub. Investigators suspect hat was too tight…

Darwin At Work II–Man Drowns During Belly Flop Contest: Here’s the math. Height: 20 feet. Man: Age 52. Water: frigid. Oh yeah, this guy didn’t know how to swim either…



Bellyflopping Can Be Dangerous: “Hmmm. I wonder if Bob knows the water is only four inches deep…?”

Annals of Achievement–Here Come The Kitesurfers: Seems like the wetasses who prefer to power their windsurf boards by kite are finally figuring out how to fly. And, typically, the French are out front. The World Sailing Speed Record Council–owner of the clunkiest name in sports–has confirmed two new speed records. The first goes to Emmanuel Taub, who earlier this month hit 39.79 knots, taking the record away from American Robbie Naish at 38.47. The second, the initial record for women, goes to Charlotte Consorti, also French, who managed 33.24 knots. So the men are pushing 40 knots. Will they be the next to join the hunt for 50 knots? Maybe the kiteheads could do some drag racing against the windsurfing boys down at Finian Maynard’s French Trench. That I would like to see….



Kitesurf Conundrum: “I wonder if we have to actually touch water to set a record…”

Annals Of Bad PR Decisions–Going Ape: So you are Andy Henderson, the director of primates at the Lincoln Park zoo in Chicago. The zoo has just completed construction of a $25 million “escape proof” ape exhibit. The jewel in the crown is a 12,000 square foot ape yard, surrounded by a 12-foot high overhanging moat that has a 300-foot wide wall. The whole shebang opens in a few weeks, and you want to show it off. So what do you do? You invite Jeremy Bloomfield, the director of two Chicago climbing gyms, and a few of his rock-jock buddies in to see if they can escape your maximum security ape prison. Great idea, Andy. Except–according to Outside Online–the first of the climbers scampered up the “unclimbable” moat and escaped after just, get this, ten minutes. Bloomfield and his team–using no ropes or climbing equipment of any kind–then proceeded to dismantle the impregnable facility, locating at least 6 possible escape routes within an hour. Then, just for fun–as construction workers wet themselves laughing and the zoo directors wet themselves in embarrassment–the team hung around for some good climbing practice, scaling the walls repeatedly. “This is gonna set them back a little bit, I think,” said one of the climbers, who have been invited back in June, after some, err, remodeling. Maybe Andy should start looking for a job at one of Bloomfield’s climbing gyms…



“This place is f*cking great. I’ve been hitting Lincoln Park bars and peeking into bedrooms every night since I got here…”

Long Time Coming….: How come no one thought of this before? A surfing website devoted to….Eureka…women who surf. Well someone finally did and civilization can continue forward on its wayward course. The site is called Wahine Surfing and its motto is “Style…Not Fashion” (okay, that’s lame and could use some work). But the site looks great. Lots of news from the women’s tour, profiles of the top surfers. And plenty of–did you see this coming?–great pictures. Well, they have to pull in the traffic somehow…



So, What’s The Headline?: From the, umm, “News Pics” gallery….

Need For Speed…: There’s a new contender in the sailing world’s quest to break the 50-knot speed barrier, courtesy of multihull sailor Paul Larsen. It’s called SailRocket, and it was launched last Friday. It is a crazy looking machine. Despite reading numerous technical explanations I still don’t really understand how it is supposed to work. But I definitely understand when the designer says it should hit 50 in just 20 knots of breeze, and, on paper, at least there is no theoretical top speed limit (though in reality the thing will blow apart past a certain speed because the loads will exceed the strength of the construction). Anyhow, SailRocket is designed to be sailed only on starboard tack, the whole thing weighs roughly 250 pounds, once past 35 knots the water rudder will be flipped up and the thing will be steered by an air rudder, and, and…well, there are a lot of cool features. So click over to the SailRocket site, read all about it, and see if you understand the damned thing better than I. SailRocket will head to Weymouth, England, a speed sailing mecca, for testing and tuning. For the moment, my money is still on Finian Maynard and his windsurfing buddies down in France…



Larsen And Toy: “I know it looks like it’s made of toilet paper and balsa wood, but as long as it doesn’t rain too hard we should be okay…”