Wetass Video of the Week…: Speaking of toothy denizens of the deep, check out this sharking (sorry, couldn’t help myself) video of a surfer getting attacked by not one, but two (two!), great whites. Don’t worry, the sharks spat the lucky son-of-a-gun out…



“Blech. This kid must have eaten a lot of garlic last night…Plus, I just hate the gnarly taste of wetsuit.”

Annals of Personal Irresponsibility–Shark Justice…Almost: So here’s the scene. Two New Zealand divers go spear fishing in shark infested waters. They nail some fish and then, without much thought, spear a 10-foot shark to keep it from going after their haul. They’re pretty proud of themselves. But what should they do with the carcass? There’s blood in the water. Better drag the dead beast up onto a nearby jumble of rocks. And better do it fast because other sharks are starting to arrive on the scene and seem to be getting a little..bit..frenzied. So up they go, like seals, dragging the dead shark with them. But now what? They are 200 meters from shore, lots and lots of other sharks are circling the rock, and…ooops…the tide is coming up and looks set to cover their safe perch in a few hours. They’re doomed.

Well, it’s quite a picture, a cautionary tale about thinking ahead and piscine justice. But luckily–very luckily–these two hunters-turned-hunted happen to get the attention of some people on shore with wild, panicked gesticulations. The beachgoers think the shark carcass is a human in trouble and call in the emergency services. A helicopter is dispatched and arrives just in time to avert a nasty final act. “We could see [the sharks] from the air. Their fins were going round (the rock). It was like something out of a horror movie,” reports one of the helicopter crew. Rescue ensues. Lesson learned? Who knows, the two divers made themselves “unavailable for comment.” I guess that’s better than the sharks making them unavailable for comment. But it’s another case of stupidity in the wild without consequence. Imagine how differently we would venture into nature if there was no prospect of being bailed out when we make mistakes. Read the full story here and judge for yourself….



Frustrated Finner: “F*cking helicopter. We had those two plonkers SO dead to rights…”

Jules Verne Role Reversal–Today…Geronimo Fast, Cheyenne Slow: Not much action out there. Geronimo is back in the wind underneath Australia, but about a day behind Cheyenne’s pace through the Southern Ocean. And Cheyenne has been going oh-so-slowly (just 234 miles over the past 24 hours) off the coast of Brazil as she desperately tries to find the southeast trade winds. Her lead over Orange 2002 is down to about 800 miles. Yup, sometimes sailing even the fastest boats on the planet can be, well, a bit boring…



“Yawn…Is this thing almost over?”

(Photo: Nick Leggatt)

Annals of Adventure–Blue Nile From Source To Sea: Here’s a good one. A Wetass named Pasquale “PV” Scaturro, who is better known for guiding a blind climber up Everest and Ama Dablam, is leading a rafting expedition from the headwaters of the world’s most famous river to the Mediterranean Sea. What’s so hard about that? Well, how about: deadly crocodiles and hippos, class V to VI river rapids, aggressive local militiamen, bandits (shifta), temperatures in excess of 100 degrees, and the political upheaval of war zones run by rebel factions.

PV and his team are 72 days into the 3,250 mile trip, and still alive. They are now battling massive sand storms. Check out their web site, with its expedition reports and photo gallery (featuring everything from snoozing pythons to flashing tribesmen), here.



PV Scaturro: “Nobody f*cks with me…”

TWC Quick Hits…:

Seal Head Found In Luggage At Logan Airport: Confiscated by security screeners, along with toe nail clippers…

Australian Researchers Discover Bizarre Fishy Sex Rituals and Vampirism 20,000 Leagues Under Tasman Sea: “He drinks her blood, in return for giving her sperm.” Pay-Per-View special and book deal on spicing up the bedroom in works…

Guinness Record Holder For Hangin’ With Snakes Bitten By Cobra…And Dies: Snake apparently bored of hearing same stories over and over…



“Uh-oh, the cobra is looking at me funny again…I’ve really got to get a normal job.”

(Photo: Reuters)

JV Jumble–Cheyenne Fast, Geronimo Slow: What’s going on with the world’s weather? Geronimo, in the windy Southern Ocean, has been limping along in a miasma of light airs and racked up only 350 miles. Cheyenne, supposedly in the difficult South Atlantic, skated along to a 539 mile day. That puts them more than 1000 miles ahead of Orange 2002 again, and has to have De Kersauson hurling Gallic epithets at Neptune. Worse, Geronimo’s slow 48 hours put her almost a day behind Cheyenne’s record time from the English Channel to Cape Leeuwin (now we’ll see whether De Kersauson stoops to target Fossett’s semi-invented Indian Ocean record).

Onboard Cheyenne, morale is high though a very slow day crossing a ridge of light air is upon them. After that it looks like they’ll have a fast passage to the Equator. The big worry is the huge high pressure system dominating the North Atlantic for the moment. This is the sort of weather barrier that killed Geronimo’s record attempt last year, after she had led Orange 2002 all the way around the world. There is still time for the North Atlantic weather picture to improve, though, so the crew is focused on more mundane issues, according to Dave Scully:

“In the absence of cooking gas, the cold frappucino has become the refreshment of choice on board, and they are quite tasty, though requiring a deft hand at stirring. The Mars bars have disappointingly disappeared from the daily ration packs, in deference to the increasing heat, and we are starting to look hungrily at the flying fish, though our garlic supply has long since sprouted green shoots. Young men’s minds are turning to thoughts of washing, and the foredeck is turning into a bucket bath venue. Beards off, shorts on, and may we find a way through the less windy bits for a fast passage home.”

What, no major repairs?



It’s amazing what a resourceful crew can produce at sea…

Worst Job In The World Follow-Up…: After Friday’s “sewer-diver” story, reader Paul Jones passed on some other worthy candidates:



Bad Job: “Sheesh. Would it really be too much for those cheapskates in management to buy us some bigger bags?”



Very Bad Job: “”Oh man, the lieutenant’s got ZERO sense of humor. It was just a wedgie, for Mao’s sake…”

Arctic Update–Dominick Still Missing, Ben And Wave Inching (And I Mean Inching) North: The helicopter search for Dominick found no sign of a living, breathing French-born Finnish Arctic explorer. There’s not much else to do, except hope she miraculously turns up. Here’s a measure of how hard things are on the ice. Ben Saunders has been at it more than two weeks, and he has covered just 65.6 nautical miles. And he needs to trek a total of–wait for it–842 to get to Canada. By my estimate he should be there by, oh, next Christmas. Wave Vidmar isn’t doing any better, except for the fact that he’s only going halfway, which is to say he’s stopping at the North Pole. Meanwhile, want to know what keeps Ben fueled up and crawling six miles a day? Here’s his description:

“On a practical note, apparently a few people have asked what I’m eating. Lots is the short answer. Just under 6,000 calories per day, which I’m sure would normally be enough to sustain a champion sumo wrestler. Up here, I’m still losing weight.

Breakfast is my own secret recipe high-calorie muesli (a bit too sweet, actually) washed down with a protein shake, a handful of vitamin pills and half a litre of energy drink.

I don’t have lunch, but eat/drink every hour I’m on the move – hot energy drink and some custom made energy bars from Science in Sport (they even say ‘Ben’s bars’ on the wrapper!)

In the evening, some Green & Black’s chocolate as a bit of a treat and then the highlight of the day – one of my Norwegian freeze-dried evening meals (courtesy of Expeditionfoods.com). Cod and potato casserole is my current favourite, but I’m slightly worries the fishy aroma wafting from my tent will have the bears’ mouths watering!!”

Cod and potato casserole? Well, there’s no doubt these guys are a bit different…



Bart?: “Oh man, I’m hallucinating. Stay away from me, kid, unless you’ve got a case of Duff beer stashed somewhere.”

(Image: ExplorersWeb)

Weekend Update–Cheyenne Flying North: After a day of torture, which just topped 200 miles through the water, Steve Fossett’s 125-foot cat has found the wind again and ripped off a 500-plus mile day straight down the course. The slow day had one major benefit–the 5 guys who had to spend 10 hours up the mast repairing the mast track didn’t get to flayed to bits at the tip of a whippy 143-foot pole. Cheyenne still holds a lead of more than 700 miles over Orange 2002, which on this part of the course (with its lighter, trickier winds) is still about 2 days. There is still plenty to worry about, though, with non-stop repair work. Here’s Dave Scully:

“No sooner did we have the last bolt in place [on the mast track] when our instrument system decided to respond to the balmy weather by going on holiday. Driving this monster at night with no electronic support is hard work, so we immediately set out to fix it. Nic, Adrienne, and your correspondent went at it for 24 hours, and thankfully were able to get the little numbers winking again. This instrument package is known as the Hydra system, which is very appropriate, as like the many headed monster of legend, as you solve one problem, another crops up in its place!”

Even if Cheyenne makes it home under sail power, and even if she takes the record, this baby is going to be a wreck. Fossett, particularly if he breaks the record, will be moving on to his round-the-world solo, non-stop flight and Cheyenne will probably be up for sale. Anyone in the market for a clapped-out world record holder that needs work…lots and lots of work?



Last Southern Ocean Albatross: “What’s that? You want me to go crap all over some boat with three hulls that’s following behind you?”

(Photo Nick Leggatt)

Weekend Update I–Geronimo Flying East…Sort Of: An ocean and a half in Cheyenne’s wake, Olivier De Kersauson and Geronimo have finally hit a little weather divot, in the form of a ridge of light air. D’oh. That’s put a little crimp in De Kersauson’s plans to get to Cape Leeuwin faster than Fossett. The Great Cape is about 200 miles away, so it’s going to be close (though TWC gives Cheyenne the edge unless De Kersauson is fiddling his position reports)….



“Zut. How can we be slower than that sailing junk yard with two hulls?”