Annals of Exploration–A Few Good Mice: Before President Bush starts launching human astronauts at the moon, Mars and God knows where else, scientists would like to know a little bit more about how those astronauts would actually fare when subjected to low gravity over long periods of time. Ummm, good idea. So a consortium of eggheads led by a group at MIT are planning to launch 15 mousetranauts into near-earth orbit in a tiny mouse-sized space-ship. No word on exactly how long the little rodents will be up there, but not to worry, they will be in extra-nice quarters:

The mouse cages will be designed for comfort and protection with room for the little travelers to lope around for exercise in the simulated gravity of Mars. “Astronauts living on space stations have encountered serious health problems such as bone loss due to their weightless environment [zero gravity],” the team said in a statement. “The first crew on Mars could experience similar effects; scientists do not yet know whether partial gravity is sufficient to prevent these health hazards. A crew of mice will provide the first answers.”

Blast-off could take place mid-2006. (Hmmm, how about putting the boa constrictor and porcupine aboard for a zero gravity death-match….)



“F*ck off, NASA, we’re warm and cozy down here on Earth.”

Annals of Adventure–Speaking of Cold…: This is the season of over-hyped 30-second “polar bear” dips. But if you really want to freeze your ass off while swimming, what better place than the Bering Strait between Alaska and Russia. Here is the story of Lynne Cox, who in 1987 swam the 2.7 miles of (almost) freezing ocean between the two countries. The water was 42 degrees F, dropping to 38 degrees. Here’s Cox’s description after she had been in the water for more than 2 hours: “My hands were purple-gray, like a cadaver’s. My shoulders were the color of blueberries, and my arms, legs, and trunk were splotchy white. They felt heavy, like meat taken out of a freezer. My face felt detached from my head.” Sounds like fun…..



Support Team: “Keep swimming, godammit, or we’ll poke you again….”

(Photo: Rich Roberts via LA Times)

Going to Extremes–Frigid, Frigid: I’m just guessing, but I’d say that the coldest place in the 48 contiguous United States right now is the top of Mt. Washington, New Hampshire. Here are the numbers at 4:34 pm EST:

Temp: -37.1 degrees F

Windspeed: 82 mph (gusting to 89)

Windchill: put on a sweater, it’s hard to imagine….. -84 degrees F (as in f*ck, that’s f*cking freeeeeezing)

At these temps a bowl of water thrown into the air will freeze before it hits the ground. Here’s what the observatory looks like:



We’re talking major shrinkage…..

Annals of Exploration–We Have Rolldown: Mars Rover Spirit is now six-wheeling on the Martian landscape. The rolloff was completed in the early morning hours (East Coast Earth time), while the Jet Propulsion geeks at mission control played “Who Let the Dogs Out” (sorry guys, that song is soooo over….). Spirit took 78 seconds to go 10 feet, so the current land-speed record on Mars is less than one-tenth of a mile per hour. It’s going to go up (I hope, or this will be a sloooow, slooow mission), and TWC will happily serve as the record-keeping authority for the planet Mars. Here’s what the lander looked like in Spirit’s rear-view mirror.



Losing the Lander: Check out the tire tracks….

Annals of Invention–Vroom, Vroom, Glub, Glub: Check this baby out. The ‘Sport Sub,” which just won the British Marine Federation concept boat award, is a speed boat…and a submarine. James Bond would love it. It cruises at 35 knots on the surface, or can dive up to 100 meters, taking 2 divers down, and sneak around at 5 knots for up to 2 hours. The ultimate Wetass toy, if you happen to have about $30,000 lying around. The competition had lots of other wild and wacky concept boats, like the Surf Spyder and the Suite Mouse (dedicated to “velocity inebriation”). Click here to have a look at them. Wear a bib, though, to keep the drool off your shirt….



Ummm, I hope Osama doesn’t get ahold of one of these……

Annals of Exploration–Ready to Rove: Okay, this Mars mission is starting to get interesting. Engineers at Nasa’s Jet Propulsion lab have cut the cord to Spirit, the billion dollar golf cart, and have pivoted the sucker on top of the lander (history’s most remotely controlled 3-point turn) in anticipation of driving onto the Martian surface. That maneuver is set to take place early Thursday am, and if it is successful Spirit will be ready to tour the Red planet. (If it’s not NASA will be in deep, deep doo-doo). First on the tour list will be a crater that’s about 250 meters from the lander. Why is this mission cool? Because JPL geeks get to say stuff like: “We’ll be careful as we approach. No one has ever driven up to a Martian crater before.” Spirit will examine the crater as part of its mission to determine whether there was ever water on Mars (okay, that I don’t really care much about). Then it will be off to climb a bunch of 100-meter hills a couple of miles away. NASA is making up a bunch of psuedo-scientific reasons why those hills have to be climbed, but we all know there is only one: BECAUSE THEY ARE THERE. And if all this isn’t enough fun, there’s another Rover headed toward Mars–called Opportunity (clunk..clearly, there have been severe cutbacks in NASA’s marketing department). Opportunity should land late this month, on the other side of Mars. So there is only one question I am interested in: which Rover will climb the highest hill, and own the Martian mountaineering record when all is said and done?



Rover Roll-Out: “Alright you pencil-necks. Send me on my way. I’ve got rocks to examine and hills to summit.”

Annals of Adventure–Jules Verne Smackdown: Well, it looks as if Olivier De Kersauson and his 125-foot trimaran Geronimo have joined the non-stop, round-the-world-record-breaking party. DeK is now officially on stand by, waiting along with Steve Fossett and his maxi-cat Cheyenne, for a good weather wind to speed south from the English Channel to the Equator and beyond. Geronimo is all loaded up, with 63 days of food (the current record is 64 days, so they’ll be getting pretty hungry if they aren’t on the pace). And each crew member is allowed 20 kilos of gear. That sounds like plenty, until you realize that includes foul weather clothing, boots and safety equipment. Once all that stuff is tallied up, you’re usually left with a few t-shirts and a change of underwear to get all the way around the world. So, when might this all happen? The weather window both DeK and Fossett are looking for is so specialized, it is almost certain that if the right system comes along both boats will leave at almost the same time. Even better would be if they agreed in advance to leave at EXACTLY the same time, so we’d have the ultimate global drag race. We’ll see. For now, Fossett’s weather team does not see a good window until maybe January 26, but the Atlantic is a fast-changing game board, so you never know. Stay tuned. It’s three hulls versus two, French versus American, man versus the elements. In short, it’s going to be a kick-ass show…..



Giant Geronimo: “Heh-heh, the Americains will choke on our spray….”

Annals of Adrenaline–Skiffing Along: The big multis are speed machines, and can slap along at 40-plus knots (almost 50 mph). But for a sheer rush there is nothing better than a 12-foot skiff in a big wind. You’re close to the water, you’re always on the edge, and you are going fu*#ing fast. Check out this video (fast connections only) to see what I mean.



“Yeah, baby, yeah…….”

(Photo: Frank Grundman)

Wetass Hall of Fame–Big Wave Surfer Greg Noll: In 1969, at the age of 32, he paddled into the biggest wave ever surfed and became a legend. And the LA Times has a must-read story, “How Big Was It?” by Steve Hawk, and a spectacular photo gallery (well worth the annoyance of free registration) about the most famous day in surf history. Noll was the sports first big-wave hunter and on Dec. 4, 1969 the ultimate wave finally found him. The place: Makaha on Oahu’s West Shore. The precipitating phenomenon: a massive Pacific storm that pushed up the “Swell of the Century” and sent 50 foot walls of water smashing into Oahu. On a day when most of the big name surfers didn’t dare venture into the killer break off Mahala, Noll paddled out. From the story:

The waves were bigger than any he’d ever ridden — bigger, in fact, than any waves anyone had ever ridden. And they weren’t just huge walls of mush; they surged hard and fast, hurtling down from Kaena Point in ghastly 200-yard slabs. The distant crash of lip on trough jiggled the water beads atop his board, something he’d never seen in his 15 winters in Hawaii. “They were horrible, absolutely horrible,” was how Noll later would describe the waves. “The whole situation gave me a sick feeling.”

For 30 minutes he bobbed in the safe deep water beyond the breakers, debating. And then he chose: better to risk death than suffer the lifelong agony of an opportunity squandered.

Total Wetass. Noll estimated his chances of surviving that wave as 50-50, and here’s what happened:

The Makaha wave that cemented his reputation also nearly killed him. He made it to the bottom, looked up and saw it “starting to break in a section that stretched a block and a half in front of me.”

As the lip threw over him, Noll bailed out, skipping off the water like a stone across a lake before being buried. The turbulence held him under until his lungs burned and his eardrums felt as if they might burst. He clawed to the surface, but more waves followed, and he had to dive deep before each one to dodge the swirling maelstrom. He swam hard for the beach, barely reaching dry sand before the side-shore current swept him into rocks.

The experience transformed Noll’s life. “That wave was so big and powerful and frightening that it kind of cleaned the surfing out of his blood,” Tomson said. Noll soon stopped visiting Hawaii, liquidated his surfboard-making business and moved to Northern California to become a commercial fisherman. “For 15 years, my whole thing was to ride a bigger wave than the year before,” Noll said. “I was getting so cocky I said, ‘Come on, God, show me a wave I can’t ride.’ Then all of a sudden that day came along, and it kind of blew the cap off the whole thing.”

Great stuff. And it will all be featured in a documentary–“Riding Giants” by Stacy Peralta–to be shown at Sundance. Sounds like a good candidate for the Wetass Video Archive….



“Ohhh, Mama….”

(Photo: Doug Acton via LA Times)

Annals of Adventure–Joyon Clears Cape Horn: Francis Joyon’s incredible solo, non-stop sprint around the world is now in the home stretch. Over the weekend he sailed past Cape Horn in 45 knot winds and turned north into the Atlantic. Though Joyon still has more than 7,000 miles to go, safely rounding Cape Horn–the most notorious, dangerous Cape on the planet–is the single greatest milestone in any round the world voyage. Joyon arrived in beautiful conditions and here’s what he had to say about the mythic headland:

“The only inhabitants were the Yagan Indians, and since they were exterminated,

there is nobody any more here. While passing under the wind of the small

islands, I felt the odor of guano, I really passed very close to the

course, perhaps at a half-thousand metres.”

“It was beautiful, really very beautiful. At daybreak, what astonished me,

is that the mountains were snow-covered. and it’s summer here! The tops in

the distance were completely white, I really did not expect that. It is a

beautiful course, the extremely jagged East coast, it is an incredible

wild beauty.”

Joyon sailed from France to the Horn in just 49 days. That’s just a few days slower than the time his tri IDEC posted in 1997, sailing as Sport Elec…WITH A FULL CREW. And the current record holder–Michel Desjoyeaux, who lapped the globe in a monohull in 93 days in 2000–isn’t even close. After 49 days, Desjoyeaux was barely clear of New Zealand, some 3500 miles behind Joyon. That’s a lead of more than 13 days, so unless Joyon hits a whale or his boat falls to pieces, he’ll claim a new solo, non-stop record for circumnavigating the globe. The only question is whether he’ll do it in less than 80 days, a mark that fully crewed boats could barely aspire to one decade ago….



Just 49 Days?: “C’est Cape Horn. I swear…”