Department Of Dubious Achievement–The Scorpion Queen: Jim Morrison of the Doors would have loved this Malaysian chick, Nur Malena Hassan. She just spent her 27th birthday locked in a box with, let’s see, more than 6,000 scorpions. Not only that, she’d already been in the box for 30 DAYS. Yes, she is going for a world record (she plans to go for 36 days). Why else would you get in a box full of scorpions? In a shopping mall, no less. She spends her days reading books and watching TV while a total of 6,069 scorpions crawl all over her, trying to figure out what the f*ck is going on. Apparently, she gets 15 minutes a day out of the box for a bathroom break, and can handle up to three scorpion bites per day. She was stung on the second and sixth days of her record attempt, but so far her only complaint is a lack of moral support from her countrymen. Hmm, I wonder why? Perhaps because she is stark raving mad? In fact, I think this constitutes scorpion-abuse–I mean, how bored are they?–and should be reported to the SPCI (Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Insects). Too bad the scorpions don’t figure out that they would get sprung a lot quicker if they would just…



Scorpion Queen: “Oh, is there a scorpion on my head? I didn’t really notice. I was too busy calculating how much attention I deserve…”

(Photo: AFP)