Well, a purpose other than the obvious. Thanks to the ever-swinging, ever-environmental Norwegians the world finally has public interest porn. It’s called F*ckForForest.Com (warning: It may be for the environment but the Boss will still fire your ass). The idea is simple: a porn site which features all manner of outdoor activity (it gives treehugging an entirely new meaning), along with facts and news briefs on the state of the world’s rain forests. And profits (about $100,000 last year) from paid memberships go to help the environment. If you want a complete, pretty much safe for work and teenagers, description, you can do no better than to check out this profile in the San Francisco Chronicle. The article is worth reading, even if you think all forests should be paved over with malls, because of the hilarious prose. For example:
“Tommy and Leona are having sex on a tree stump in the middle of a Norwegian clear-cut. Leona, with a mop of brown dreads and a lip ring, looks dreamily across the demolished forest as Tommy, a little shaggy in nothing but a knit hat, works his magic.
A few minutes earlier, Leona and Tommy stood at the same spot lecturing about the evils of industrial forestry. But now they’re moaning in feral ecstasy, overcoming the powerful negativity of the place — the broken branches and dried-out logs — with the juices of the life force itself.”
“Juices of the life force”? Bad writing doesn’t get any better than that. The article does in fact get around to describing the range of material on F*ckForForest, and that’s also pretty funny:
“Most of the material on FFF features the gentle Burning Man-esque couple and/or their friends romping in every imaginable combination. The great outdoors is a favorite setting, of course, but scenes are also set in apartments, photo studios, sex clubs and elsewhere. The sex runs the gamut from couplings involving vegetables used as sex toys to performances by scary-looking shaven-headed German Goths and is unflinchingly graphic. Like those of most porn scenarios, the plots of the video segments are vestigial at best, but in written material and between the scenes, Leona and Tommy share their feelings for the forest with visitors to the site.”
The best part is that the Norwegian government provided the original seed money for the site, thinking it was a pure environmental play. And the membership of the site took off after Tommy and Leona were arrested for doing their feral thing live onstage at a heavy metal concert. As Dave Barry says, “I am not making this up.” I mean, according to the article, “In one session featured on the site, Leona, in a blue wig, starts the lesson by flogging another woman with a huge leek.” You just can’t invent that sort of stuff…
New Gig For Paris?: “Move over PETA Pammy. I’ve been looking for a way to do some environmental work and this will suit me just fine…”
(Thanks to TWC reader Doug Bailey, who tipped me to this important internet development…)
The Earthist Chronicles 