Category: Uncategorized

TWC Quick Hits…:

Greeks Accused Of Plan To Poison 15,000 Stray Dogs Before Olympics: Officials deny charge, but price of meat dishes in local Chinese restaurants dropping at suspicious rate…

Olympic Torch Carrier Inadvertently Leads Police To Massive Marijuana Crop On Crete: Officials became suspicious after runner showed up at checkpoint 2 hours late, demanding Hostess Twinkies and complaining of cottonmouth…

Murder Suspect Elephant Due For Footprint Tests: Trumpets “If the foot doesn’t fit, you must acquit” and pledges to spend rest of elephant life hunting for “real” killer…



“So I lifted m foot like this and threatened to crush the guy, but I never stomped him because I was late for my tee time with OJ…”

Annals Of Achievement–Flying Bind: Englishman Steve Cunningham lost his eyesight at the age of 12 to glaucoma. Today, at 41, he is in the airspace over Britain, attempting to become the first sightless pilot to fly around the United Kingdom. Before you start canceling any flights to London, note that Cunningham has a co-pilot (who can see) with him JUST IN CASE. But as he correctly points out there is not much to look at up in the clouds, anyhow. Cunningham’s Piper Warrior is fitted with special software that constantly updates him, via synthetic voice, on his altitude, speed, and position (yeah: but how does he land?). If Cunningham succeeds without pranging into a hillside, he will add to an impressive collection of “blind” records. In 2000 he set a “blind” offshore powerboat record in the English Channel. And in 1999 he became the fastest blind man on wheels, when he drove a Dodge Viper to 147 miles per hour (no, not on the highway…on an airfield). Oh yeah, he’s also captain of his blind soccer team…



Blind Man Aloft “Hey, at least I’m not drunk…”

Wetass Procrastination–Wild West Pinball: It’s Monday. Start your work week off right by wasting your company’s time with a little online pinball. Click here to get hooked.



But is it a sport…?

Animal Vs. Human 1–When Shark Meets Surfer, Shark Usually Wins: Shark attacks are a part of surfing. They don’t happen very often (despite the impression you might get from the media), but it is inevitable that every once in a while a surfer will lose a limb or even get killed. The sharks aren’t malicious or evil, they are just doing what sharks do: hunting and eating. But that doesn’t stop the all-out shark hunts that follow in the wake of an attack, hunts that kill a lot of sharks in a pointless attempt to somehow wrest “justice” from a random and tragic event. So it was refreshing to hear the brother of an Australian shark attack victim who was killed over the weekend saying it would be a senseless act of revenge to try and hunt down and execute the shark that did the deed. Emotions were running high, because even by shark-attack standards it was a horrific death. Brad Smith, 29, was surfing Saturday at a well-known break called “Left-Handers” near Gracetown, south of Perth. As he paddled on his board he was attacked by a shark (perhaps a Great White) which one witness called “as a big as a car.” Another shark swam in circles while the attacking shark tore Smith in two. “We saw a guy scrambling around and saw him clinging to the shark and stuff, trying to, like, whack it, and trying to get away, and then they just kept coming back for more,” said Mitch Campbell. “He had no chance.” Smith was dragged from the water by other surfers but he was already dead. Even though it was the first shark fatality in that region in four years, fisheries authorities immediately geared up to try and hunt down the killer (despite the fact that Great Whites are protected). Smith’s older brother Stephen, even as he mourned Brad, stepped forward and announced that killing the shark–even if it could be accurately identified–would be silly and meaningless. He pointed out that his brother lived for surfing and understood the risks, and that killing any number of sharks wouldn’t bring him back. Too bad Australian officials don’t agree, and are pressing forward with an attempt to hunt the shark down and kill it…



Smith’s Surfboard: It wasn’t pretty…

Animal Vs. Human II–Score Eight For The Bulls: The running of the bulls in Pamplona might have had something going for it back in Hemingway’s day, when it was both exotic and obscure. But these days it is nothing but an over-hyped, over-subscribed, ego-fest for drunk tourists who know nothing about the history and tradition of either bull fighting or the festival of San Fermin. They’ve read The Sun Also Rises–maybe–and then booked their all-inclusive “Run With The Bulls” holiday package (genuine orlon red scarf included). So whenever the Pamplona yob-fest rolls around I find myself rooting for the bulls, who have this one last chance to shishkebab some humans before they are tormented and then slaughtered in the bull ring later that night. And today the bulls put up a pretty good score, goring eight runners (after nailing four on Friday). And a total of 24 runners were injured, though happily no one died (15 have been killed since 1910). And not to worry: emergency services report that alcohol poisoning and bruises and injuries resulting from falling-down drunkenness are outstripping bull-related injuries…



“Gotcha! Are you feeling macho now, stupid tourist…?”

(Photo: Reuters)

Mallory-Irvine Everest Expedition Update: In late May this expedition reported finding a body in leather boots above 8000 meters on the North Face of Everest. They suspected it wasn’t the body of Sandy Irvine–George Mallory’s climbing partner on the day he died–but the climber was so ripped up by the fall that killed him that they needed to study the evidence carefully (they then gave the corpse a decent burial on the mountain). Well, now the results are in and the team has concluded that the body is that of Chinese climber Wu Tseng-Yue. Here’s the thinking:

It would be hard to imagine finding a body in worse shape. They [the climbing team] described the body as “headless”, with severely broken bones. The chest area of the body was heavily damaged. The body was not covered with stones when they found it (i.e., it had not been buried by earlier climbers). The body with broad shoulders was found with shoulders pointing downhill. Only one “leather boot” was found; its size was estimated around 9-10. Nothing was on the wrists (no wristwatch, bracelet, etc.). The climber wore handmade socks and had no gloves on. The hands were black and bone. No harness of any kind was found on or near the body, nor any rope.

History, of course, tells us that only 2 climbers (besides George Mallory) died above 8000 meters on Everest’s North Side: Sandy Irvine and Wu Tseng-Yue before 1985. [And] after looking at the evidence, the letters on the lining of the leather boot is WU, as you can see in the picture [below]. All other markings you might see in that picture is just dirt. Studying the picture and the film of the body, you see, lying on his back, head facing downhill on the North Face a climber with one leg touching the Yellow band, the body was essentially demolished by his fall. His head is completely missing and his waist ripped open. Like Mallory, the skin of his thorax was marble white and undamaged by the elements.

The expedition has chosen not to publish (so far) the film and picture of the body they allude to, remembering the outrage which accompanied the commercial exploitation of the grisly pictures of Mallory after he was found. But they will at some point publish a full account of their 2004 hunt for Irvine. It’s a grisly yet fascinating business…



Dead Man’s Boot: Wu Are You? Not Irvine…

(Photo: EverestNews.Com)

Mari Cha IV Record-Wrecking Campaign–Another One Bites The Dust: If it looks like a monster and sails like a monster, it’s probably a monster. How else to describe Robert Miller’s 140-foot sailing machine, Mari Cha IV, the fastest monohull EVER to speed across the oceans? Her latest victim is the West Coast-Hawaii Pacific record. The big schooner sailed from San Francisco to Oahu in just 5 days and 5 hours. That’s a 2000 nautical mile crossing at an average of close to 400 miles a day, or more than 16.5 knots average boatspeed. That’s multihull territory, so it’s no surprise that she didn’t just improve the old record, she ripped it to shreds by some 32 hours. MC IV even beat a Matson liner that left San Fran at the same time by some hours. Ouch. So she’s got the west-east transat record, the 24-hour record, and now this one. Miller is so excited about this beast that he’s planning to make an attempt this winter to become the first monohull to sail around the world nonstop in under 80 days. If you had suggested that might be possible just a year or two ago you would have been laughed out of the bar. Not today…



San Fran Departure: “Say, Bob, I think that Matson liner captain is giving us the finger. Whaddaya say we make him the laughingstock of the merchant marine…?”

The Ultimate Golf Course–It’s Called “Mongolia”: I can’t even imagine where the idea for this one came from, but I like it. I like it a lot. Folks, meet Andre Tolme. Right now he is in the home stretch of golfing his way across Mongolia. Yes, Mongolia. All of it. From Choybalsan in the east, to Dund-Us in the west. What’s it all about? Here’s Tolme’s description:

Golf Mongolia is an extraordinary expedition where I walk 1,320 miles (2,100 km) across the country of Mongolia while hitting a golf ball. Some may call this extreme golf, adventure expressionism, or just plain crazy, but one thing is certain; this has never been done before and may never be done again. The country has been divided into 18 holes which follow dirt tracks, rivers, and nomadic herding trails from east to west across the land once ruled by Genghis Khan.

So, how big a golf course does Mongolia make? Well, divided into eighteen holes, it is 2,322,000 yards long. What’s par? Oh, just 11,880 strokes. To date, Tolme has completed 14 holes over 82 days (and 969 miles) of golfing. He has swung his trusty 3-iron a total of 9503 times, which puts him just 135 strokes over par. The bad news: he’s lost a total of 481 balls. Hope they have plenty of curdled yak milk on tap at the 19th hole when this guy gets done…



Tolme On The Tee: “Okay, head down, shoulders square. Watch out for the yak herd out to the left and the yurt off on right…”

TWC Quick Hits–Darwin Edition: The 2004 Darwin Awards–which salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways–are out. Here’s a sample:

Moon Shot: Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

I can understand the passengers shooting the moon, but the pilot…?

D’Oh: A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. “The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,” Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was “Major trauma.”

I guess “Major stupidity” is not an official coroner’s category…

Here, catch!: A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

What’s the big deal? We play snakeball at our house all the time…



“Okay, I’ll play. But if you drop me again, or try to throw a spitball, I swear…”

Political Dissent, Wetass-Style–Dare 2 Bare: Leave it to the women of Marin County, CA to devise a nude, I mean novel, style of protest. Everyone knows that in an age of Paris Hilton and media clutter if you want to get noticed you have to, well, get naked. Hence: “Naked For Peace.” What does this dangerous, subversive group do? It organizes groups of 50 or so women, who gather at a variety of Cali locales (hopefully warm), strip down and spell out protest slogans with their bodies. Creative stuff, like “PEACE,” and “NO WAR,” and “MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.” They take photos and post them on their web site. And they get lots of media coverage (see, getting naked always works). Okay, I admit this isn’t really a sport. But it does involve wet asses (and it’s funny). So sue me…



“Heh-heh. Have you noticed all the FBI surveillance? I bet that perv Ashcroft is up on the cliff right now with some binoculars…”

(Photo courtesy of Larry ‘Bat’ Tenney/San Francisco)