Non-Sailing Interlude….: What can I say, there’s a lot of interesting sailing stuff today. But TWC knows the world is not made up entirely of speed sailing fanatics. So for all you frustrated elephant soccer fans, here’s a little photographic bone…..



“Hey, it’s illegal to throw peanuts at an elephant while he’s dribbling the ball…….”

(Image: Courtesy of “The Daily Column”)

Annals of Innovation–ET Strikes Again!: No, not the creepy, long-fingered alien with the gin-rasp, voice…..The “Extra-Terrestrial” also happens to be the affectionate nick-name of another French sailing superstar named Yves Parlier. Parlier has won a boatload of solo races across the Atlantic and is one of the sport’s true innovators. He’s best known however, for his exploits in the most recent Vendee Globe solo round-the-world race. Dismasted in the Southern Ocean while chasing the lead, he refused to retire as most ordinary terrestrials would. Instead, he limped into Bluff, New Zealand. Using only materials he had on board, and his God-given engineering genius, Parlier built a makeshift oven in which he baked a carbon-fiber splint for his broken mast. All alone, he raised the new spar with a Rube Goldberg contraption of levers and blocks, and sailed back home to France, half a world away. Of course, his voyage took much longer than he originally intended, so he ran out of food (in the Vendee no outside assistance is allowed). No problem for ET: he just started eating seaweed. For this performance he justly won heroic status in France, and a place in the Wetass Pantheon.

Now ET is after new adventures and new records, and he has just launched the most radical catamaran to touch water in years. It’s got twin rigs–one on each hull–and the hulls are stepped like the hulls of a seaplane. Why? So they hydroplane up out of the water, in theory reducing drag at 40 knots to one-tenth the drag of a conventional multihull. ET is planning to sail the boat in two solo races across the Atlantic and back this summer, and will also target a number of speed records. If this thing works it will be incredible to watch. Come to think of it, even if it doesn’t it’s going to be pretty spectacular….



ET’s Spaceship: Holy Hydroplane! I want to see pictures of this thing sinking, I mean submarining, I mean sailing…

Francis Joyon Update–Almost Home: The wind is blowing 35-40 knots, his left float is buried in the foam and soaking up water like a sponge, but Francis Joyon is on target to arrive back in France–after girdling the globe non-stop–early Tuesday morning. If he doesn’t hit a floating container, and if his float doesn’t suddenly break off, he’s looking at a new non-stop solo record of 73 days. That’s 20 days faster than the old solo record (set in a monohull), and the fourth fastest non-stop circumnavigation EVER (the top 3 were in fully-crewed boats). This will be the solo sailing equivalent of breaking the 4-minute mile, and will be a record that top solo sailors could be chasing for years (including Ellen MacArthur, who just launched her new 75-foot trimaran, which is designed to go after exactly this sort of record). The last day at sea is a time for maximum paranoia and superstition for any sailor. Many a voyage has come catastrophically undone within the final miles and Joyon clearly has collision on his mind. Here’s his latest communication from the boat:

“During the night I reverted back to my small sails. I gybed yesterday and am now on a course of 60°. At this angle the float is in the water. It must have taken on 300 / 400 litres, but I can’t go any further round…I’m trying to limit the risk of collision by going quicker during the day and slowing down at night. In the North Atlantic there are quite a few things floating in the water nonetheless. As there are a lot of cargo ships there are also containers as well as logs which fall overboard in rough weather . That’s a fair amount of potential dangers for boats. By day the risk is reduced but you’re certainly never very relaxed with cargo ships around : I passed one yesterday. I have a radar detector on board and yet it didn’t have it’s radar on in the middle of the North Atlantic! We’re used to our well equipped cargo ships with competent crews but you have to realise that there are still boats around without any legislation or equipment! It seems to be a trend and it’s a real shame. You get the impression that the guys travel under automatic pilot and that even if they see an obstacle, they’re not competent enough to reflect on the adequate trajectory.”

Run down by a freighter just miles from glory. The offending skipper would be tracked down and lynched by the French sailing public….



Fast-Moving Tanker Target?

Annals of Adventure–Goulash Eating…I Mean Iceboating…Hungarian Style: The 2004 iceboating world championships have been going on in Hungary, at Lake Balaton. Iceboaters must be a very laid back crowd because it’s almost impossible to find detailed reports and results. However, TWC did come across an intrepid UK iceboater named Gareth Rowland, who is posting reports and pictures to the web. From what I can tell, the racing has been quite variable, with light winds some days and dodgy ice conditions on other days. But the eating, apparently, has been very good. Here are some offbeat vignettes from Rowland’s Hungarian adventure:

Jan 18: “Yesterday we were invited to a Hungarian tradition of killing a pig and during the course of the day eating it. After it was shot the butcher got to work. First on the menu was the liver cooked in a nice sauce. We had to leave part way through to go to the ice and move our yachts as the ice near the hotel had broken up on the shoreline. We found a car park across the bay, nearer to the race area. Later I printed some pictures of the pig and returned to the party. By then they were down to the cutlets in a very nice onion and tomato relish. In the background the butcher was taking an axe to what was left of the pig and the bacon and skin was going on the barbie [BBQ]. Also on he menu with the pork was Hungarian schnapps to wash it all down. For a sweet nibble a Hungarian donut was produced, but it was like strips of dough tied in a knot. You put your own jam on if you wanted. Damned good though!!…Tomorrow it looks like I may have to use the GPS and plot the area of safe ice as there is open water out there and I now have the ability to plot the track on a real map. There are also cracks and a large hole, so the Brits are hopefully going to provide an accurate map of the ice.

Time for another beer!”

Yeah, but what about the iceboating?….

First Competitors Meeting: “After a lengthy discussion which centred on the Balaton ice conditions and the access to the ice for the 200 competitors it was agreed that all the representatives would walk the ice and drill frequently to check the ice thickness and then return to the Committee to further discuss what they had walked and then make a decision by voting on whether we should stay in Hungary or move to Poland.”

Poland?

Jan. 19: “Temps did not drop last nite. Now 2.5 degrees. Cracks and holes in places. Can see open water from hotel. Not good. After some driving around we found the hot pools at Heviz. The central section had two hot pools of 33c sulphurous water that apparently is slightly radioactive. For many years they have been used for the healing properties (that should get rid of that nasty rash)!…After the warm swim we ventured out in the 1 deg weather and swam outside. This was chilly with cooler water – about 26 degs with weeds and little fish. It wasn’t long before we were back in the hot pools! On the way out the hot showers were of volcanic water so I am sure we smelt well of sulphur…Walking round the town of Heviz we found a nice cafe-bar that had Hungarian Goulash on the menu, so we decided on the goulash soup and a Hungarian beer. Not sure the waiter was impressed by two sulphurous Englishmen invading the place, but it was damn good.”

Uhh, Gareth, hope you’re not planning to have any (more?) children. But for the last time, what about the sailing?

Jan. 21: “With only 0 deg C the Hungarian police, who hold jurisdiction over the lake here at Balaton, did not want us to sail but oddly allowed the ultimateresponsibilityy to rest with the Race Committee. So the committee decided, so as to preserve future sailing on Balaton, and for the safety of 200 skippers, to suspend racing for the day. Throwing caution to the wind K1 [Chris Williams] and K11 [myself] decided to join the brave out on the ice in a moderate wind. At least the previous day’s “plastic ice” at the shoreline had hardened to allow a creaky\crackly access to the yachts….Rigged up we had to negotiate the cracking running 50 metre out parallel to the shore line. This had water in places and maybe ice underneath. Anyway we managed to cross it safely. Out on the ice it was good hard black ice with only small bumps of old melted and refrozen snow. I took the video camera out and mounted it on the front runner looking back with a wide angle lens then I had it on the tiller. I got some good pictures in the fast conditions. About 1:00pm we retired for lunch before we broke anything. We went into the local main town and did some shopping and had another even better Hungarian Goulash soup. It was served up in silver tureens and you were supplied the ladle and plates, spoons etc. We assumed it must be a very posh place as the bill for two goulashes and two beers came to 6000 Hungarian Forints [around 15 British pounds]. Turned out we were paying the bill for the next table!”

You get the picture (thanks, Gareth…and have anotherr beer, or four). Imagine how much fun iceboating would be when there is actual iceboating happening. If TWC can dig up any real results on the Worlds, or race reports, they will be posted….



Hard Water Racer: What it’s supposed to look like….

“Wrong-Way” VDH Update–Life in the Southern Ocean: Francis Joyon is back up to speed in IDEC, and should arrive home next week, to claim a blazing new world record. That leaves tough old Jean Luc Van Den Heede almost alone on the round-the-world course (until Fossett and De Kersauson set off in their big multihulls). VDH is still about 2000 miles from rounding the Cape of Good Hope at South Africa’s tip, and all the poor guy can think about is a shower. Here’s a taste of how such a seemingly basic routine can become a singlehanders obsession 83 days into a voyage:

“Yesterday, in a squall I collected a lot of fresh water in the mainsail. I heated it up this morning in my camping shower and was planning to take a nice warm shower this evening…. but the sun only came out for a brief while, and for the moment I’m going through some drizzle worthy of the English Channel, which is a foretaste of the front, which should go over tonight.

I’m going to have to wait a little while longer for the pleasure of what will be my first real shower since Cape Horn. Don’t be alarmed! I’m keeping myself clean with some baby wipes. But it is true, I’m dreaming of a nice shower where I don’t need to worry about how much fresh, warm water I use.”

Well, if VDH has to stay a bit stinky for the moment, at least he can take pleasure from the fact that his lead over existing record holder Philippe Monnet is more than 19 days. On the other hand, he’s still got almost two months of sailing left. The key question, really, is how many pairs of clean underwear does he have left…..



Smelly Day 83 Sailor: Phew, I wouldn’t want to be trailing behind Mr. Baby Wipes…….

Wetass Photo Gallery–Skigasms: Stuck at your desk in the ice and slush? Some people ski for a living and some people take photographs of people who ski for a living. Lucky them. But Skiing Magazine is throwing us all a bone. The editors have posted a couple of galleries of incredible and extreme ski photos, here. If you want to fantasize for a few minutes–and who doesn’t?–check them out. Here’s a sample of what you’re in for:



“Uhhh, Dude, when you said “Let’s go skiing” I thought we’d be sticking to the groomed stuff….”

(Photo: Jancsi Hadik, via skimag.com)

Annals of Slander–Messner Fights Back…With a Fibula: Regular readers of TWC may remember the controversy over whether Reinhold Messner abandoned his brother Gunther on Nanga Parbat in 1970 (previous TWC story here (scroll down)). Brief summary: In a new book–The Naked Mountain—Messner claims his brother died in an avalanche as the two brothers descended the Diamir Face. Other expedition members are contradicting Messner, saying that he abandoned Gunther on the mountain so he could make the first traverse to the Diamir side. Lawsuits ensued. Now Outside Online reports that Messner has produced a fibula bone that was unearthed in 2000 at the base of the Diamir Face, and has submitted it for genetic testing. If it is Gunther’s it will support Messner’s claim that Gunther was with him after the summit, and on the descent to the Diamir Valley. The testing should take a month or so. This heated mountaineering spitball fight gets stranger and stranger. Stay tuned….



Funky Fibula: “Gunther, is this yours……?

Vanity Kills–Next up on the Fashionista Chop Block: Stingray: Alligator and mink are no longer good enough. According to Time magazine, the latest in celebrity chic is stingray skin. Known as “shagreen” (so the owners can pretend they are not wiping out an actual species), Cartier is flogging jewelry pouches and Bill Blass is marketing watch bands. If “shagreen” catches on the stingray will be in trouble because it is one of the ocean’s most underprotected species. The celeb slaughterhouse is back in business. How come rat fur is never in fashion? Over to you PETA…



“F*ck off, Pink, I have no desire to go to the Grammy’s on your wrist…….”

Francis Joyon Update–Holey Multihull!: Our solo-sailing, non-stop circumnavigating friend is just about 2000 miles from home (maybe 10 days, tops), and guaranteed to set a blistering new world record…if he can just keep his boat upright and in one piece. Unfortunately, that is not proving easy as he cruises north past the western bulge of Africa. The bearings on Joyon’s main traveler (which controls the mainsail) are shot AND he has noticed a small hole in the port float, which has allowed about 300 liters of water into the hull. Joyon is as cool as can be about the problem:

“I’m not worried about it but it would be rather good if I could fix it. The water has got into one of the compartments. I don’t know how it could have happened. It’s odd because the hole is almost round, on the side, as if something sharp hit the float. When the sea gets to it I can clearly see the water penetrating it and seeping out again. If necessary, the only way to repair it, if it’s flat calm, is to swim out to it with some epoxy glue as it’s impossible to get access to the hole any other way. But with a nice little harness… ”

More worrisome is the area of calms and squalls he is passing through, where the sudden gusts of wind can flip his trimaran IDEC in an instant if Joyon is not vigilant in the extreme (no long naps, Francis!). Here’s his description:

“Last night, I went from 5 to 28 knots of wind in 10 seconds. If you don’t ease the sheets immediately that’s all it takes to capsize a multihull! But I did ease the sheets straight away and five minutes later the wind dropped off. This morning it’s not quite so violent. There are little squalls and flat calm. I hope it’ll be ok.”

TWC does too. Stay tuned, it’s crunch time on the Atlantic…..



IDEC In Trouble: “Please, Baby, please. Just keep it together for another week or so….”

Darwin in the Sierra Nevadas–We Had to Kill the Creek to Save the Trout: Here’s a pretty dubious plan: US Fish & Wildlife officials, in conjunction with California’s Fish and Game Dept., want to poison an 11-mile stretch of Silver King Creek in the Sierra Nevadas in order to commit fishocide on the non-native species that are crowding out the Paiute cutthroat trout. Why does anyone care enough about the Paiute to dump poison into a pristine waterway? Officials claim it is the rarest trout in America and possibly the world (it exists only in this one creek). Much as environmental groups love trout of all kinds, they are understandably skeptical that randomly killing other fish and creek denizens is the best way to favor one species over another. The pro-poison gang is trying to pad their case by saying the poisoning would also benefit the rare yellow-legged frog and the Yosemite toad. Hmmmm, these poisonings always have a way of proving the Law of Unintended Consequences. Other reasons to be skeptical: 1) the good ol’ Paiute, while undoubtedly rare, is itself a non-native species, having been transplanted to the Sierra Nevada about 100 years ago….and 2) the stretch of Silver King Creek that officials want to poison to boost Paiute populations is the stretch easily accessible to fishermen. Ahhh, so it’s really just a plan to make life easy for California’s omnivorous anglers, disguised as environmental do-goodism. TWC’s position: Leave the creek alone and let the species that happen to be there–native and nonnative–duke it out poison-free. If the fishing lobby is too lazy to hike hard to find Paiute, screw ’em….



Precious Paiute: “Eat poison, losers. I’m not much to look at, but I’m really rare and I need more room to roam….”