Wetass Movies–“Touching the Void”: This recounting of climber Joe Simpson’s near-death experience on a rock face in the Peruvian Andes wowed Sundance and should show up in wide release. In 1985, Simpson and a climbing buddy, Simon Yates, made the first ascent of the forbidding Suila Grande. They got up in three and a half days. So far, so good. But as so often happens in climbing, it was the trip down that became a nightmare. Engulfed by a blizzard, Simpson shattered his leg. Yates initially tried to lower Simpson down the face, segment by segment. But eventually, with Simpson dangling over a void at the end of the rope and Yates unsure whether he was dead or alive, Yates no longer had the strength to keep going. Thus, Yates was faced with a most brutal choice: stay with Simpson and likely die, or abandon Simpson and leave him hanging, in order to try and save himself. Yates opted for the latter (Simpson, incredibly, managed to survive anyhow). Here’s what Newsweek’s David Ansen has to say about the pseudo-documentary (it contains recreated scenes because Simpson and Yates were not filming):

“Ordinarily, documentary re-enactments are terrible, tacky affairs, but [Director] Macdonald avoids the usual mistakes. There’s no emoting, hardly any dialogue: just a straightforward, bone-chilling, admirably precise visualization of Simpson’s extraordinary escape from an icy death, filmed both on the mountain where it happened and in the Swiss Alps. There’s not an ounce of false piety or histrionics in Simpson’s existential account of his will to live. An atheist and a pragmatist, he knows he can succeed only by breaking down his pain-racked task into small, achievable goals. One step at a time, indeed. By the end of this white-knuckle movie, you stand in awe at the depth of man’s will to survive. “Touching the Void” leaves you emotionally and physically spent, and grateful it was only a movie, not a mountain, you had to endure.”

Get me a ticket….



Abandoned: “Simon? Simon?…..You’d better stay away from my wife, you bastard!”

Mars Update–It’s Raining Rovers!: The second Mars Rover–Opportunity–safely crashed down onto the planet surface over the weekend, giving the Jet Propulsion Lab pencil-necks something to cheer about after Rover #1–Spirit–went on the fritz last week. Opportunity landed smack in the middle of a crater–a “300 million mile hole-in-one”–according to one scientist, and everyone is already ooohing and ahhhing over the pics the souped-up golf cart is sending back. Scientists are preparing to roll Opportunity off the lander in the next few weeks. And they’ll be getting very little sleep because at the same time they will be re-writing crucial elements of Spirit’s software, in the hopes of getting Spirit rolling again. So it’s going to be pretty slow, Rover-wise, for the next few weeks…..



The Other Side of Mars: Note the chimney, a vestige of Opportunity’s former life as a pot-bellied stove….

(Photo: NASA)

Annals of Adventure–Going Down, Down, Down: Scuba diving is what pasty schlubs do at resorts in the Caribbean. Tech diving is what semi-sane adrenaline junkies do–because it involves exploring the sea hundreds of feet below the surface, at depths where blood gases can fizz like champagne if a diver is not careful. Tech divers see parts of the ocean the rest of humanity can only dream of. They also die with some frequency. Tempted? Before you suit up, take a dive with Californians Kendall Raine and John Walker as they explore a sunken German sub more than 200 feet under San Pedro Bay:

Raine sits on Sundiver’s aft deck, burdened with more than 200 pounds of gear: twin 130-cubic-foot tanks of helium-oxygen-nitrogen trimix, a tank of oxygen-enriched air or nitrox for decompression when he ascends to 70 feet and another of pure oxygen to be used at 20 feet, plus a bottle of argon gas that he uses to fill his dry suit–argon molecules being large and offering superior insulation against cold. He carries a spare mask, an extra regulator, a spool of nylon line, a high-intensity canister light, two backup lights and a waterproof notebook on which is written his decompression profile. On one wrist he wears a compass and dive watch; on the other, a bottom timer. His dry suit is fitted with a discharge valve so he can expel urine.

Yup, there’s a lot of gear. But human beings just aren’t built to swim around 330 feet underwater. Here’s more:

Most experts in the field agree on three things: (1) Deep diving is becoming safer as more is learned and as equipment gets better; (2) the blase deep-diving “cowboys” who rely primarily on bravado instead of science are incrementally removing themselves from the gene pool; and (3) what is known about safe decompression from very deep depths is still surprisingly sketchy in both its short- and long-term consequences.

Put another way, anyone with a few weekend training sessions can descend to 300 feet, but very few understand how to return alive, and even they face uncertainty.

“We know more about being in outer space than about being underwater,” says David Mount, general manager of the Florida-based IANTD, the International Assn. of Nitrox and Technical Divers.

Or, as Walker jokes: “The dumber you are, the deeper you can go.”

So what’s the point of taking the dare?

Raine pauses and delivers one of those schoolteacher looks that you get for asking a question when the answer is self-evident.

“Adventure,” he says, smiling.

Say no more, Deep-Diving Dude….



Decompression Hang-Out: “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer……”

(Photo: Kendall Raine, via LA Times)

Darwin at Yellowstone–Wolves Eat Elk…Other Species Applaud: Finally, a “Man Tinkers With Nature” story that is going right..so far. Nine years after the controversial reintroduction of gray wolves to Yellowstone National Park, the Washington Post reports that park rangers and biologists are cataloguing a remarkable ripple effect that is great for the Park (unless you happen to be an elk). Before the lean, mean hunting machines arrived, 17,000 elk roamed the Park without a worry in the world, since aside from the odd grizzly bear taking a calf the elk had no natural predators to contend with (coyotes are too small to do them much harm). So they hung around the river banks, munching on Willow shoots, as well as Aspen and Cottonwood, discussing whatever it is elks discuss. The result–sparse tree growth along the rivers and a surpuls of elk. Fast-forward to today, when 250-300 hungry wolves are on the prowl. Suddenly Aspen, Cottonwood and Willow trees are flourishing once again. The reason: the elks finally figured out that if they languished by the river banks they were dead meat. According to the article, this realization took a little while to sink in:

“The first thing that happened was that the elk ignored the wolves,” said Wildlife Conservation Society senior scientist Joel Berger, speaking by telephone from Driggs, Idaho. “The elk were treating 90- and 100-pound wolves like they were 35-pound coyotes. The elk were naive. They aren’t naive anymore.”

The wolves (and bad weather) have helped prune the elk population to about 8,000, soooo: the trees are growing once again, which means their shade cools the water, which lures trout, which in turn brings back migratory birds who feed on trout. The trees also bring back beaver, which can eat the low hanging willow branches. The beavers do what beavers do, and build lodges and dams, which in turn create marshland which attracts otters, mink, muskrat and ducks. Last but not least, all the elk carcasses lying around has also brought in ravens, magpies, and eagles. Bears and coyotes are also enjoying the free scraps. Pretty amazing. Thanks, elk. Park biologists predict that as elk grow more scarce and more wary, the wolves will branch out into other, more challenging, cuisine, such as bison. Doug Smith, the leader of the Yellowstone Wolf Project, can hardly wait to watch this large animal Death Match because it will test one of his wolf theories:

“Why do wolves hunt in packs? I think it’s for the bison,” he suggests. “It takes three wolves to kill an elk, but I have seen 10 wolves hanging off a 2,000-pound bull bison. They killed it, but it took nine hours, and the bison killed one wolf, gored another and broke the leg of the alpha female. Bison just pound them.”

Yikes……



“That’s right you stupid elk, treat me like a wimpy little coyote….Papa’s going to EAT tonight!”

(Photo: National Park Service)

Annals of Adventure–Elmo Conquered!: An anonymous Australian Jumbotron repairman logged the world’s first successful ascent of Elmo’s Face, a colorful and curious rock formation that bears a striking resemblance to the Sesame Street character. Next up: the notorious Cookie Monster chimney…..



“Okay, I’m past the nose. If I can just get over this damned bulbous eye….”

(Photo: Andrees Latif/Reuters )

Francis Joyon Update–Hitting the Home Stretch: Solo sailor Joyon has crossed the Equator in his trimaran IDEC, and has a mere 3200 miles between him and a hot shower. He’s just 62 days into his remarkable voyage and the remaining miles–barring disaster–should take about 10-14 days. Soooo, Joyon will not only become the first sailor ever to complete a solo circumnavigation non-stop in a multihull. He will also be the first solo sailor to break the mythical Jules Verne 80 days. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a hundred times: Holy Merde! This one’s going to be a tough record to beat….



Vive La France: “Alors, what eeez all zee fuss about? You sail and keep sailing, and zen you arivee home.”

Mars Rover Update–IT’S ALIVE!: NASA ground controllers were extremely relieved to receive two data transmissions from the wayward Rover this morning, but still don’t know for sure what is wrong with the little buggy on the Martian craterscape. In other words, Spirit spoke but didn’t explain. Everything seems okay with the batteries, so scientists are hoping it’s a software problem (the Anna Kournikova virus, maybe?) instead of a hardware problem. Spirit’s sister-ship Opportunity is scheduled to land on the other side of Mars this weekend, so NASA has a back-up Rover on the way. But if these Rovers don’t do the job, it’ll be another $820 million down the drain, and a second major failure for NASA following the Columbia disaster and shutdown of the shuttle program. Bush’s fantasy of sending humans to Mars–or even to the Moon–isn’t looking like such a good bet right now. Maybe we should hire the Russians…



“For Chrissakes, relax. Can’t a robot take a nap on Mars anymore?

Steve Fossett Jules Verne Update–No Go For Now: After flying all the way to England Fossett looked at the weather maps and decided the forecast wasn’t good enough to launch his round-the-world record bid this weekend. Just too slow around the Canary Islands, and thus too slow to the Equator. Next possible weather system appears to be early February. No word yet on whether Olivier DeK and Geronimo agree with this analysis…..



“Ahhh, this is what we’re looking for…….”

The Wetass Lifestyle (2)–No Whining in Wisconsin: Here’s Peter Harken reminiscing about his college days and fast sailboats (Harken is now head of a multi-million dollar company that manufactures top of the line mechanical gear for yachts). We could all learn something from him:

“My first wild trapeze boat was the great 505 while I was at the Univ. of

Wisconsin in 1958. I and a French student friend of mine got a hold of a

beat up one, fixed it all up, total new varnish job, added some funny crude

ball bearing homemade blocks I hacked together for our iceboats and ripped

off for the 505.

Classes? What classes? Maybe attend morning classes, just enough to be a

student, barely, but then the afternoons were spent tearing all over Lake

Mendota in front of the campus yelling our heads off! Foul weather gear?

Dry suits? Nah, plastic garbage bags over sweat shirts and Levis was all

the fashion we could muster.

The 505 grabbed lots of attention because it was the only boat allowed on

the lake by the Univ. Life Guard Station when it was hootin’ the tops off

the waves. Showing off to the girls was an added bonus until we stepped

ashore. Looking at a couple of mad, grinning, soaked to the bone, shivering

guys wearing shredded garbage bags didn’t seem to impress them. So, we

slopped beer without them and saved money to boot!”

Stupid college girls……



505 On Fire: Yeah, Baby……Yeah!

(Photo: Alden Bugly, PhotoGray)

Annals of Oops–Best Not to Believe What You Read: (except in TWC, of course). For example, TRAIL magazine, in its February 2004 issue, helpfully tells hikers how to safely get down from Scotland’s Ben Nevis, which is Britain’s tallest peak and is notorious for its atrocious weather. Except…editors mistakenly removed two crucial bearings from the version of the article that eventually went to print. That would be bad enough, if the misleading bearings simply got hikers lost, or walked them into a bramble patch. But, as printed, the article would direct unwitting hikers, feeling their way through cloud, fog and rain, right off the edge of a sheer cliff on the 1,320 meter mountain, plunging them into the hiker-eating “Gardyloo Gully.” The error was spotted by the eagle-eyed Scottish Mountaineering Council, which published a warning on its website. TRAIL editor Guy Proctor was apologetic, but was hopeful that anyone hiking on Ben Nevis would be carrying a proper map (instead of a copy of his inaccurate rag, I presume)……



Ben Nevis Brouhaha: “I don’t give a damn what your map says, Gertrude. The magazine says we turn left HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE……….”