Annals of Impotence–Dick Cheney, Man With a Big…..Gun: The gun-happy Veep can’t do much to take out Osama from his secure, undisclosed location. But one of the perks of being first-in…I mean second-in command of the NRA-loving Bush Administration is that he is free to slaughter….birds. And not wild, juking, fast-flying, hard-to-shoot birds, but fat, slow, pen-raised pheasant. Which is exactly what Cheney did on a visit this week to the Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier, PA, arriving in the early morning hours with a massive security detail, his favorite shotgun and a Humvee. There, Cheney and 9 buds (energy lobbyists? Halliburton fuel-scammers?) blasted away at about 500-farm-raised birds that were released for their killing pleasure. My grandfather used to hold pheasant shoots on his farm in New Jersey, and I can tell you that downing a confused, overstuffed bird that has just been kicked out of a crate is about as difficult as hitting the Goodyear Blimp. There’s almost zero sport, though plenty of bang-bang, in it. In short, it’s very, very lame. So it comes as no surprise that Cheney and his gang managed to down about 417 of the birds, with the Veep bagging more than 70 himself (in a shoot like this you normally stand with a loader at your side and you literally blast away continuously as the birds fly overhead). You’d think that would be enough cordite to keep any man feeling big, but after a lazy lunch Cheney headed out to the fields again to blow away some ducks. Predictably, Cheney’s little outing has sparked outrage from the Humane Society. Ohh Pammy, we’ve got another case for you………



Dead and Dying Birds Everywhere: “Damn you, Dick Cheney, I was eating subsidized corn meal every day and my tax cut was just about to kick in……”