Category: Uncategorized

Here at TWC we pride ourselves on being informative and helpful to would-be adventurers. So in addition to bringing you the exploits of the world’s crazies, in the hopes that you will be inspired to craziness yourself, every once in a while we like to pass on important expeditioneering techniques. Today’s insight comes courtesy of a group of Brits who recently completed a trek to the South Pole. No big deal, right? Well, these guys did it using the exact same gear and technology used by one Robert Falcon Scott, which is to say clothing, gear and food that dates from 1911. As we all know, it didn’t work out so well for Scott. But this time no one died, and if you want to read more about the expedition, go target=”_blank”here.

One break with tradition was the filing of an online diary as the team made its way across the polar wastes. And, funny I should mention “waste,” because one of the most, umm, interesting entries, penned by one Roger Weatherby, was titled “The Art Of Polar Squatting.” Weatherby claims this entry was made in response to queries from readers, but as we all know this is the sort of topic that becomes alarmingly front and center any time human beings isolate themselves in the wilds. So you just know he had been pondering this topic for many a mile. Happily, he comes up with a very concise breakdown of techniques and strategies. Hilarious…

1. MORNING DIPPER

As practised by Daly and Dags (although Dags has practised all the methods so he doesn’t count). This is a pre-breakfast sortie which requires the stiffest of backbones. It is difficult enough to get out of a nice warm fur-lined sleeping bag into -33ºC, let alone drop our trousers into the eye of a gale. Would suit the sort of people who swim in the Serpentine on Christmas Day.

2. DUTY DONE

As practised by Farquhar. This expedition is post the daily pull and after the camp is set up and the first hot drink is ready. Suited to the sort of man who after a day’s shooting will shampoo, dry and feed the dog; clean, oil and put away his gun, before partaking of the high tea that has been sitting on the kitchen table for an hour. Discipline essential.

3. THE PHARMACIST

As practised by Rog, Geoff and Dags at various times. This relies on Imodium, significantly reducing the frequency or even eliminating the need for participation in the sport. Unfortunately the colon is a canny organ and once it realises it is being fooled, it reacts angrily. This method is no longer in employ.

4. THE RODIN

Named for attitude not pose. This method relies on waiting until the very last minute, or as the French say ‘Le cigar est sur the point de la bouche’, with the ultimate aim of a very quick performance. Get it right and the result is a certain smugness but timing is everything and can result in a similar effect to the Lottery Player (see below).

5. THE LOTTERY PLAYER

No skill to this method and can often be accompanied by shouts of “Where’s the paper?” and general chaos. Side effects include minor embarrassment such as loo paper blowing away before use, or major catastrophe involving anorak hood – luckily the latter has not happened to this team yet.

6. THE STRATEGIST

As practised by Geoff, and very recently by Rog. This is the evolutionary pinnacle of the art and involves using the tent in the 3 minute period between all equipment having been removed from it and loaded on the sled, and then the tent itself is packed up. Although hardly something to practise at home as it is still a -20ºC operation, it is a huge improvement on the -33ºC and mind numbing wind. Timing is everything, too early and one becomes the Lottery Player, and too late one incurs the wrath of the other 4 who are standing in the cold waiting to pack up the tent. Expert aficionados have been known to practise a synchronised version of this method whereby all 4 get into the tent at the same time. This is unlikely to be done by our team due to a lack of practise and a surfeit of modesty.

All in all, dear reader, you can understand that delicate loo roll and large mittens are not compatible and as bare hands and any other exposed flesh can start to freeze within 20 seconds at these temperatures, speed is of the essence. Must dash……………..

Our current position is 89º 22 minutes .55
Approximately 46 miles to the Pole

Hey! I bet Scott didn’t bother with loo paper. Now we just need to hear from the Volvo boats regarding onboard strategies at 30 knots…

Obviously, they didn’t have one of these…

Here at TWC we love caves, and we love BASE jumping. So you can’t go wrong when some idiots, I mean innovators, combine BASE jumping with caves. Watch it right here, and be amazed. Be very amazed. I know I’ve told you all you need to know to hit that mouse, but in case you want to know where you too can go to jump into a cave, here’s the video rundown:

CAVE BASE JUMP: “Cave of the Swallows” Located deep in a Mexican rain forest, nestled high atop a majestic mountain slope, sleeps the eighth wonder of the world, Sótano de las Golandrinas, (Cave of the Swallows), which is a 1,400 foot subterranean cave. Come along on a true adventure that takes you on a journey with world-class BASE jumpers as they investigate this enormous cave. Their ultimate goal is to jump from the cave’s small 160 foot opening and freefall several seconds before opening their parachutes and landing safely on the cave floor. Amazing video captures jumpers from every possible position including belly cams and head cams. Hours of supporting material includes interviews and sound bites.

This sport has definite promise…

“Hope I don’t hit a f*cking bat…”

Every year there is a special gathering of surfers at California’s Half Moon Bay. They are there, on just 24 hours notice, to surf the notorious Maverick’s Surf Contest. Why the 24 hour notice? Because event organizers wait until the conditions are perfect-which is to say ridiculously hairy–before putting out the call to the world’s best big wave surfers. Contest 2006 is now open, and waiting for the killer waves. While you wait, too, dip into the target=”_blank”video page to see why this little surf get together is one of the most intense on the planet…

“Uhh, Dude? How about paddling out over there. As in way over there…”(Photo: Steve Waterhouse)

“Our Father, Who art in heaven…”
(Photo: James Turley)

“Hmmm. Think I’ll head this way…”
(Photo: Steve Waterhouse)

“Weirdity.” There’s an excellent TWC made-up word. Stephen Colbert would be proud. But that’s the sort of lexicography you need if you are going to post this surreal Key West Race Week story from the always amusing Sailing Anarchy. The plot? Melges 24 encounters, umm, turkey vulture. You buy sails, assemble your crew and go out to train. But some things you just can’t control or predict. Here’s the story:

“Down here in Key West we had to cut practice short today (Sunday) because a turkey vulture landed on our boat and would not leave. It was a mangy, sick, tired looking thing that wouldn’t leave us alone. The wind was blowing pretty well from the North and had been since early the morning before. We think it was blown off the island and wasted all of its energy trying to get back home, saw us and decided to hitch a ride.

Well, he started out on our tender, then when they scared him away he flew up to our windward spreader. He sat there happily for a while as we did some straight line speed testing with the Quantum boat, a GBR boat and a JPN boat. We dropped out of the speed testing when the bird (with a wing span of probably 5 feet) dropped down and took up residency on our cabin top. After trying to kick, literally kick, him off he vomited on our boat. We thought he was sea sick, little did we know that their only natural defense (other than pecking the hell out of you) is to vomit and that they can projectile it up to 6ft. Well, this guy just sort of coughed this green and brown lump on to our deck and then stood by it.

Some chop and waves knocked him from his perch but he relocated and did a short stint as our bow man. With him up there we thought tacking would give him the shake, but it did not. In fact, this time he sort of stumbled along the leeward side before he re-landed, this time in our cockpit. Well that was pretty sweet. The joke and the fun was over. This thing looked like hell and we were afraid it was sick and could scratch or worse vomit again on one of us. We were well on our way in when we decided that he was going nowhere unless there was land downwind of him. So we rolled up the sails and towed in. Finally he relocated to the tender and they used a boat hook to send him on his way once we were in the harbor. All in all, it was very strange. These pictures show the proximity we were to him, but it doesn’t convey how awful it looked. He looked like he’d closed down the Rum tent and then went to Duval street until 7AM.”

This is the sort of story that makes me check to make sure it’s not the first of April. But they have pics, so…

“Dude, if you’re gonna hang with us you’re gonna have to hike…”

“Do you think he’s giving the bow any lift…?”

Every sport has it’s blog, and the best cave diving site I’ve come across so far is called Speleonet. Not a very sexy name, but what really matters is what a little clickin’ will find. And I found one pretty cool video (seemingly set to 1970s porn music…), a lot of great random pics, and plenty more. Cave diving. Sport of wingnuts…

“Damn, this place reminds me of Hef’s grotto…”
(Entrance to Actun Tunichil Muknal, Belize. Photo by Alan Hunt)

(Photo: One World Expedition)

Since we last checked in on our eco-warrior friends at Greenpeace, they have been pretty damn busy, doing their best to stall, interfere with, and embarrass the Japanese whale hunt (click here for the last TWC post). It has been a pretty hairy confrontation. First up, meet Mikey Rosato, who is known as the “whale rider,” because he jumps onto harpooned whales, which has the excellent result of really pissing off the whalers. It is not a tactic for the meek:

“I jumped onto the whale because I wanted to show the Japanese crew that, just because the whale was dead, the protest at what they were doing was not over,” Mr Rosato said.

The drama in the ocean unfolded as two Greenpeace ships dogged the Japanese scientific whaling fleet in Australia’s territorial Antarctic waters.

“We were out in an inflatable boat and for 3 hours we put ourselves between the whalers and three whales, one of which was just a baby,” said Mr Rosato, 33, on a satellite phone on the Arctic Sunrise icebreaker last week.

“They finally got a clear shot and hit the larger of the whales. Once they harpooned the whale it dived for 10 minutes and when it came up it was dead.

“I managed to jump on to it. I didn’t see what I did as brave or courageous or even risky.”

As he held up his Stop Whaling banner the Japanese crew on board the whaling ship turned their water cannons on him.

“They aim for your ears and face which means you have to protect yourself and cannot hold on. They are quite aggressive,” Mr Rosato said.

As the cannon sprayed him he neatly stepped off the back of the dead minke whale and onto a small iceberg.

“The intimacy of being with the whale as it died left me feeling quite traumatised and absolutely helpless,” he said.

The Greenpeace tactics have been having an effect, with the Japanese whaling ministry suits admitting that their “research” effort could be affected. But the Japanese are not taking all this lightly. Click here to watch a Japanese factory ship ram Greenpeace’s vessel “Arctic Sunrise.” And go here if you want to see the rest of the gruesome video Greenpeace has collected. It’s a brutal, bloody, business, and I’m sorry to hit you with this first thing in the morning, but if you care about the oceans and you care about whales, you’ve got to cheer the Greenpeace warriors on (see all the photos here). If you can’t take it, sure, skip this post, and pretend that the Volvo Ocean Race is the only happening in the Southern Ocean right now…

Not sure why a film about the other kind of skiing is called “Brainstorm,” which sounds very Wes Cravenish. But the trailer is well worth a look. Big air, cool tricks, and an unbelievably noxious, grating, soundtrack. So unless you are a headbanging, metal-loving teen, make sure you hit the mute button before viewing…

“Phew. I finally outran that really crappy music…”

Sorry, I can’t resist. If you want to see how rough, wet and loud a Volvo 70 is in the good ol’ Southern Ocean, then check out this alarming and enlightening video from–yes, you guessed it–the ABN Amro 1 boys. It’s just two and a half minutes of film, but if you are anything like me you’ll cringe at the loudest of the bangs, and drop your jaw at the amount of water the ondeck crew plows through. And these guys are dealing with these conditions 24 hours a day. No wonder no one sleeps. No wonder the boats are breaking. And no wonder records are falling.

Bonus clip: And if that’s not enough action for you, here’s a good ABN Amro compilation video from this Southern Ocean leg. Can’t thank this team enough for taking the time to bring us all onboard…

“I bet you’re almost starting to feel sorry for us. Well, don’t…”

I’m not actually sure what to call this, but it looks like a hell of a ride. Click here to check it out (thanks to TWC reader Markham Nolan for the tip). Perfect sountrack choice, too…

“Hi there, little snow lapins! I’ll be in the bar in two hours…”